It feels like a blur already

Like a flat highway in New Mexico,

All the people I’ve met and loved blur together.

The memories of being here and being there are haunting,

And I keep running into the same kind of people where ever I go,

Only to be caught up in clandestine kindness and remember a fresh face for the next round.

God, I keep running because I have to,

And it’s a long time before I find a place of peace off the ground,

And all of my friends run together into the same,

I can’t remember where one person ends and another (with similar traits) begins,

Here, there, everywhere,

I’m disoriented because traveling only makes the world blur together.

God, I wonder how you see it. How you see us. I feel so far from home sometimes. It’s like I’m running down a long highway and I can’t tell whether it’s reality in front of me and another mirage.

Be here, Lord. Be the grace I can’t answer.

I still have so much life to live, but all my friends feel essentially the same. I have to move on and find new ones in new places, but they are all like a reflection of your love. Finding you in every new place is disorienting. My reality is a melting ice cube.

Please be my strength when I don’t feel like fighting. These days, I just see the illusion. It’s hard to know where you’re at. It’s hard to know how to let go so that I can be found.

I wish there were a quicker way. I wish my path were more obvious.

But I look out, and I see a long and skinny road blurring off into the distance, a mirage. And God be my guide, because I have no idea where you’re leading me.

I want to believe that I’ll find the same beauty everywhere. God bless your holy name.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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