Highest priority: What do you really want?

It is better to hope not in the gifts God has given you, but in the fact that when you had nothing going on, God still cared.

My insecurities about my personal worth, my body, my giftings, or whether or not other people understand me have not actually been helped by God giving me a more fit/in-shape body, or better friends, or a way to practice my gifts, or being able to articulate (somehow) the things I was already thinking. To tell you the truth, I’d rather be completely poor, broke, and alone, yet desperately convinced that God loves me than having any of those things.

I would rather be convinced of God’s love than convinced that I’m worthy in the eyes of the world. I don’t really care about having a great career, or being perfectly fit/healthy, or being a super parent eventually, or finding the perfect significant other, or any of the other stupid crap that sounds awesome to worry about until it’s not. What I really need (what everyone needs) is an irrational and over-the-top sense that God loves me. That is the loftier goal.

I am impressed that God gave me the things I thought would make me happy if only to realize that without him, I’m still indifferent. I don’t want to care about how others think of me.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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