When it rains, it rains

Why is water so consistently used in the Bible to symbolize purification?

I wonder if after the Flood and the rain let up from those forty days and forty nights (Genesis 7:12), the rain smell is the name as you can find now. Slightly sweet. A little musty. It feels a little bit like forgiveness. Like baptism.

When I sense that God is moving me past some painful seasons, it feels a little like that rain smell. Like the quiet, peaceful sense you get after a big storm, and the thoughtful quality it brings to your days. Like other natural cycles that ebb and flow, it reminds me of how much God cares for me. There is a season and an order to everything. It makes sense that God would “rain down” blessings from Heaven, as a way to describe how he blesses us. There is a kind of rhythm to it.

I feel like I’m in the next articulation of a place I was in two years ago, when I first came to Christ. I’m thinking about a lot of the same questions, and I suppose the main difference is that this time around, I’m a lot more at peace. When you can honestly come before God, and you don’t disguise yourself before you come before him, it’s like this freshness in the air. It’s relief. Like new growth after a season of having to cut things off. When you can walk into a room and there is palpable honesty, you know something good is going to happen there. You get this expectancy. It’s less about who you are supposed to be, and more about how you love God. You are free to just love him. Maybe that’s all that has to be required of you.

Whenever I get really stressed, I have this one dream where I’m trying to come home from abroad, but I get lost in 1000 other directions on my way. That dream has come to symbolize the inability to find my way back. I’m always too far away from the city that I fly out of, or somehow my luggage is somewhere else, or I need to go back to my school to say goodbye to people, and I’m constantly stressed because there is this sense of leaving something behind. It is interesting to me that before February 19th, 2014, almost two years ago now, I had never been abroad. It’s like I’m coming back to the questions I had before I left, and consequently, before I really found Jesus. I’m spending a lot of my time of late answering questions I didn’t even know I had.

Doesn’t “self-reflection” also connote water? Like, you are trying to understand something greater by discerning your own reflection? I don’t know.

Has anyone else ever felt like Christians are often in a rush to answer questions that God will get to in his own sweet time? I think part of the reason we rush to cut and dry explanations and avoid the hard topics like death, mourning, and suffering, is because nobody has the patience to just let God do his thing and let us know when we need to know. Maybe this isn’t a happy thought for most, but God isn’t the perfect explanation for my questions, he’s just the peace that surpasses them. I still don’t understand so many things. I keep plugging along and staying beneath this faith umbrella because I love God and believe in Christ. Does faith make sense sometimes? Hell no. But it’s still a better place to be.

I think it’s better to trust God, and know that when/if he wants me to understand something, he will provide the circumstances for that to happen. I think it comes down to trusting in the fact that God knows what he’s doing. If I run from my questions and don’t acknowledge that there are answers I’m still seeking, how can God triumph over my doubt? How can I receive closure, when the only difference between now and then is that maybe for the time being, it just isn’t convenient? I don’t really care. The way I see it, Christ paid for my salvation, and he is more than enough even on a bad day. Any extra explanations coming my way are just optional and convenient.

 

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Published by

haleylol

I am a teacher-to-be who loves people. I am not afraid of many things. I like to explain my thoughts logically on a very birds-eye view level--I was born thinking that way. I follow Jesus Christ, and I accept only that label to describe my identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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