Wanting to see Jesus in person

Like an irritating itch, have any of you ever got that cranky and resentful feeling, when you wish your church leaders were Jesus?

Through no fault of their own, I sometimes wish I wasn’t dealing with my brothers and sisters in Christ, but the real Jesus. The real deal. In person. Like, now.

Even within a blameless church family that still treats me kindly, ministers to me as part of a community, and actively provides me a place to serve, I would cash in all of them in exchange for my Savior here in person. And you know what? I’d be willing to bet that a lot of church tension has to do with that same temporary, existential disappointment.

All Christians have access to Christ. In my quiet times, I rest in the word and his presence. He is the source of my joy. But you know what else? I wish he was here. I wish I could touch him, and see him, and hear his actual, vocalized voice. I wish he were sitting across from me in a way I can perceive, or at least, better appreciate. I really don’t understand the grandeur of God, or his scope, or his ways. I’d rather skip all the waiting that people have done for centuries now. I’d rather just have Jesus right before my eyes.

This kind of frustration is a rather new iteration of the passion that comes from faith. I used to know Christ as the healer of my wounds, as more of a shelter from the storm and refuge. Lately, he has been more like my joy. This has been more of a season of blessing. And while I’ve become more expectant in this season, sometimes that comes from a genuine desire to see Jesus that ultimately feels like frustration. It’s a good kind of frustration. But it is still frustration nonetheless.

I’d be willing to bet that in the current state of the world and politics, I am not the only one desiring after a God that would idealistically come fast. Though waiting contributes an important understanding of what it’s like to long after something when you are still in a waiting season, that doesn’t make time go any quicker. The little I can do, I will do my best to do well. I can’t speed Christ coming, but I can do what he’s already commanded me with renewed energy and focus, with the understanding that I work in order that his kingdom come, and come fully. If I focus my eyes on the intentionally unmentioned amount of time it will take for him to get here, I wont do my work. Still, he has given me good work to do, and it is better if I just go ahead and do it. Having articulated my desire to see a living, breathing Christ, I may as well do the little I can to serve fully.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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