I talk a lot about Jesus, God's promises, and all sorts of questions that I hope will explore the work of the Holy Spirit. I use this space to try to unravel what God is doing in my life, and the lives of the people I care about. This is my life, and I write about it all the same.
Plucking up 48 hours worth of thoughts
Sometimes when really eccentric friends latch onto pop culture metaphors off of junk psychology and whatever else to describe their emotions, it’s not because they are full of it, but because having an eccentric personality makes you gravitate toward some pungent metaphors. I have sometimes struggled to understand obscenely creative types not because I don’t enjoy their company (we’re all pretty weird), but because when my friends choose trashy places to thrift for metaphors, the source itself is questionable. I don’t want to forever be talking about the importance of the Myers Briggs personality inventory or strict introversion/extroversion or Psychoanalytic personality disorders or all sorts of other cultural bits and pieces. As a psychology major, you’re surrounded by a lot of theories that are either popular for a time or quickly become dismantled, so it’s a little aggravating to hear talk of split personalities (which are probably still in the DSM V Diagnostic Manual) to characterize people’s insides. As someone who was also once considered bipolar, I get that using strong language to describe your internal landscape is sometimes the only kind of wording that really explains it right, but I also know that many theories are crackpot and trendy until they’re not. I’m skeptical of a lot of theories to explain who humans are because I think they inevitably fall short, are mostly just for entertainment’s sake and to make specific writers a small fortune, and to continue on with traditions like divination and snake oil that distract from the good grace and truth in Jesus Christ. However, if a person uses these wild metaphors as only metaphors instead of a source of self-validation and explanation, I think some of the uses of psycho-babble language may ultimately be benign.
I wish there was more attention within the Church to explain the difference between rebellion that is ultimately destructive, like anger, bitterness, or despair, and rebellion that is more like humor and mischief. I could be crazy, but in my own worldview, those things are separate, because they lead to separate fruit.
The fear of not being accepted within a specific space or with certain people is one of those isolating sins that separates us from the knowledge that everyone else feels the same way, albeit towards different things.
“Most people” having everything all lined up and tidy towards the end of college is a myth and not a general rule, and it is a miracle that it’s taken me this long to figure that out. Against whom exactly am I comparing myself to?
The beauty in God is one of those things that I think I’d want to worship even if I didn’t explicitly believe in who he is. I believe in God in Christ, and all the ways he has designed our world. There is something mesmerizing and transcendental in noticing how extremely beautiful his character is; from grace to humility to sovereignty, authority, goodness, gentleness, and provision (among infinite other attributes). The image of the Creator is so beautiful that even apart from Jesus, I don’t think humans could have made that up. When we encounter God and truly experience his presence, there is a kind of magnetism alive through the Holy Spirit that makes me believe that we as creation were designed, and that nothing is genuinely happenstance. I believe in a good that is more good that we can imagine and infinitely intentional. What else would you want to worship if he’s that good?
The time has come to start searching for jobs, now that I’m not afraid enough to stay inhibited. One of the most tempting lies from this process is that you have to have a perfect job to start with, when honestly, it’s probably just good enough to be able to pay your bills and move in the right general direction. Actually, I kind of like that. I don’t have it all the way figured out yet, but I still want to enjoy the process of not knowing while it still lasts, and enjoy the “less important” steps on my path as much as the bigger stuff. Why can’t we live contented lives no matter what we’re doing? In my heart and in grace, I’ve already arrived. My life has begun, and I’m living it; sometime awhile ago with accepting Christ and slowly having less fear. And you know what? If it’s a godawful mess, I have a God who will help me out. It’s okay.
As a freshman in college, I was so hungry for time with my friends. Anymore, I don’t have the luxury of being as out-of-touch because dwindling time means you have to take less for granted. While that thought could scare me, it mostly makes me grateful for the time I do have and the friends that I’ve made. They’re good people, and a diverse set of perspectives that shed light on my journey.
My church doesn’t have to be perfect. People complain about their Pastors and leadership all day long, but you know what? It is my duty to abide when things aren’t perfect, because they never will be. My church does a good job, and you guys, I’m grateful. Christ’s mercy isn’t solely available to Pastors, but to this entire Church and the communities we foster within it. I don’t have to have perfect insight or feel that I am in control to respect my Pastor and his leadership. I still feel pretty lucky to participate. It’s a good place to be, and I hope we always remain a work in progress. To God be the glory. This is not about us.
I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion.
I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.
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