Not cut out to be a flying squirrel (I will be content)

Contentedness has got to be why Pastors would be willing to spend so much time building their congregations, right? Like, given all the hard work that pastoring a church can be, given all the time you spend there, given the money you sink into it and how hard you have to work beforehand, the most legitimate reason to see all of it to completion would have to be faith maintained in resting in who God is, right?

Is it?

As I’m getting closer to graduation, I look at the rest of my life like a race. My career post-college will be a large portion of my life, which is basically unnecessary to even write out; that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is what I do with it, the company I keep, or most importantly, the pace. I know that God calls us out upon the waters, but if you aren’t cultivating a peace based on God’s character, why do any of it? I understand that it’s super fashionable to launch yourself into the world post-graduation like a flying squirrel, and I recognize that ultimately, just getting a job is the priority. I get that not freaking out right now could easily be judged as being lazy, but since when did any good decision come by being spastic? Because I can’t think of anything that is worth doing that wouldn’t be enhanced by being secure in who I am and where I stand in God. There is literally nothing.

Graduating college is weird because all you see until this point is an indefinite amount of school. What is free time, exactly? It’s been a good life, but I’d have more time if I was starting most entry level jobs.

The beginning of figuring out where I am going to end up in the world is to be content with what is already there. I have a sneaking suspicion that if I continue on this path, everything will unfold not out of a sense of panic, but out of a sense of security and pursing what was good from the beginning. I am willing to bet good money on that path, even if it’s not easy. How else will you have the stamina to do everything else if you aren’t cultivating the peace that comes from God? It’s utter nonsense.

It comes down to knowing that what you are doing and who you are serving is important regardless of your conditions. If my life is not for myself, then I can be happy serving in a variety of different contexts. It’s okay to not be “successful”. I’m not willing to bet my heart on that.

I’m just going to keep praying and see what happens, like always. God is so good. He is so good in what he does. If there is anyone I’d be willing to stake my hopes on, it’s him. I can’t think of anyone that worthy.

And when I tell my elders that I actually have only a vague idea of what I’m going to do with my life, I’ll get used to more awkward conversations and best intentions, because it’s okay if they don’t have the perfect words either. That’s okay. You guys can have the room to screw up and my feelings won’t get hurt. Y’all didn’t know either, at one point. It’s okay. We can all be small together.

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Published by

haleylol

I am a teacher-to-be who loves people. I am not afraid of many things. I like to explain my thoughts logically on a very birds-eye view level--I was born thinking that way. I follow Jesus Christ, and I accept only that label to describe my identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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