Digging up Sweet Potatoes and Remaining as children

Unearthing sin is a lot easier when you’re happier and your surroundings are mostly good.

Earlier this morning, I was reflecting on the cross as a sign of mortal weakness and divine strength, and I realized how God asks the same almost nothing from us from the first day until the last. At no point are we meant to rise up on our own strength, apart from him. It almost feels like as Christians, we get the idea that our glory comes a few years after we surrender to his, like a trade. “If I worship you Father, eventually you’ll be raising me up.” That becomes our focus.

What crap is that? Jesus didnt die so that after a year or two of being his servants, we could screw everything up all over again by our hubris and pride. My ego would be all over that if God didn’t make it regularly clear that I am not capable of taking his place. So long as you don’t struggle with him and try to take his crown from him, serving him will continue being as if freedom. But for real, who of any of us does that? We all stumble, either now, later, or gradual bits and pieces in between. If he was looking for perfection, he would not choose us. He would choose himself. The cross would have never happened. Out of the abundance of who he is, he chose to do it anyway.

Maybe seasons of blessing are easier to unearth sin because you aren’t as obviously compelled to need God. You still need him, but it’s easy to forget while things are good. It reminds me of digging up sweet potatoes. Who knew that entire monstrous tuber was only a few inches under the surface? Like a colonoscopy of the soul.

Being content with the brokenness can be hard, especially when you realize that some kind of failing is engrained in you so deep that it may go away or it may not. I really don’t think God exists to take away all of our problems. What if he exists to help us learn from and accept the limitations we’ve already got? Do we have to rise out of the muck to be redeemed from it? I am dead serious.

If the idea is that God would send Jesus to solve all our problems, how can it be that he loves the poor as is? How can it be that he wants any of us in the first place? How can it be that his love for us remains perfectly constant and the same? Is it that Jesus is our get out of sin/hell/etc free card, or does he elevate to a place of worship where even as imperfect vessels, we want more of him than ourselves? The answer to that question is really freaking important.

If loving God is the only thing we can give him in return, and he needs and expects literally nothing else from us, why do we spend more time trying to be more for him? Worship is about him. Putting ourselves in the center is a godawful distraction.

We are brothers and sisters who all struggle with the same laundry list of what it means to be human, tailored specifically for each of us. We don’t have to move on from being awed at God’s presence. Years later, we can see him still keeping company with us as a blessing. We don’t have to discredit who he is just because we can’t accept who we are. It doesn’t freaking matter.

The kind of humble, dependent relationship we are meant to enjoy with the Good Shepherd really doesn’t change. We grow closer to him because we are allowed to, out of genuine desire, in a way that doesn’t just get handed to you for reading your bible. We can worship God in all things he uses to pursue us if we do all to the glory of our God who loves us. We can live lives of continuous worship. We are meant to be children before God at any age. What exactly do we do with that?

Seeing God as a candy dispenser cheapens everything. We do not have to move on from the simple love we have for him, even if we are in a season of blessing, or we happen to be experiencing a season of living hell.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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