If I have to name some of my top sins, a lot of them center around the need for understanding. Not necessarily just the need to feel understood, but the need for others to understand and the frustration that comes with it. For whatever reason, I feel accomplished when I’ve made someone understand something important to me. And yet, so little of an individual’s actual healing has any relation to anyone else.
We live in a world where it is very easy to stay connected to other people. For those of us who aren’t as overwhelmed by that as excited by it, the ability and need to connect to others never comes without trying to imagine some idea of a person’s life. What are they really like in person? Would they accept me, if I met them casually? It seems like even online, we as humans have a greater need to find community and try to find acceptance. We take all of our human nature with us and find various ways to display it on the Internet, and it always seems as though we’re looking for the kind of acceptance that only comes with God’s love in one thousand more places but in him. If we sever contact with everyone else, for those of us who are energized by others, will we still feel fed? Do you have enough peace of mind to work through life when no one understands, when you are still left broken or you just feel this impenetrable distance between yourself and others? I have the strength grace provides me, but that’s about it. I can see why weakness rules over us without grace, because it’s so hard to be alive in the first place that without the help and the presence of a God who truly understands, I would feel hopeless.
I believe that what we most desire and love about God is a reflection of our truest concerns and greatest insecurities. I love learning, and to me it is a comfort that I have to make absolutely no effort to make God understand anything; He is the one who teaches me. I’m grateful that my faith in God is the one relationship that doesn’t take any effort on my part in explaining whatever is going on. The fact that he knows is so wonderful because he makes it so I can just rest. And I’m glad that he has authority over all things, because his sovereign nature allows me to stop trying to proove anything to others and allow my life to be healed.
Any legitimate healing is often done in relationship with God, just you and him working on whatever grieves you. If he works faster than you are capable of making others understand, you have to take the grace for what it is and keep going. Our lives are not meant to be under constant explanation to others, but under grace. God holds us in such a way that we have freedom but we will still be held accountable; in no way does he cling to us like a helicopter parent or demand we proove ourselves to him. He wants to be in genuine relationship with us, and to get to know us. And he uses his love for us to invite what still grieves us to die. That is good news to me.