There’s actually quite a lot about faith that I dont understand…

Have you ever felt that way? Sitting here and thinking about the feeling of having some new reality feel like a riddle until you see the masterful way God has undone it. In terms of my mistakes and misconceptions, I know I’ve got a lot left to see unraveled. I crave honesty over that, because I know if I keep walking, God will meet me in ways that make the confusion clear. I’m going to have eternity to sit and take joy in what he has done, but to think of what he does now while I live and breathe. I know he has my best interests in mind, which is a relief when I look to the future, dating, hopefully a family, whatever else. I’d feel a lot stupider and clueless if I was trying to do it on my own. I’ve had enough of that.

When I am at my happiest, I do not notice the lack of what society tells me I desperately need to validate my existence. I don’t give a shit. And it’s one of those pure times of not caring, because I entirely forget. What I need most is communion with God and the beauty he brings to my life.  Thr rest is peripheral. When you have peace, you naturally feel like its enough because you aren’t focused on finding more. You shift your focus on God and everything gets easier because it’s no longer about your weakness but his deliverance. That is how he frees us. He allows us to see what kind of love he had for us that entire time, and allows us to cast our burdens on him instead of being crushed by them. Pretty good arrangement if it comes for free.

When I look to the future, it’s like overlapping paths and different smoky realities that just need to be walked through. Like either side of the Red Sea being parted, I know that I will have peace in the storm solely due to whose hand is guiding me.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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