Since we brought the dogs home, we have been trying to convince them to resent squirrels. I know that’s not exactly a peace keeping sentiment, but our last dog Petey always made sure we never had to deal with those “tree rats” (expression stolen from my ex-step dad). For realsies, Ella and Ted cant even be convinced to care. I just walked down the steps of our deck outside, whistling for Ted to pay attention. Ella was being too over it to come down her dog ramp. Teddy comes down the steps, and gives me this look that’s all like, “Am I seeing what you want me to seeing, because I’m not sure…”. Then, I point drastically to the squirrel who is biding his sweet time staring Teddy down. The squirrel looked more intense than he did. I make more smoke signals, and Teddy delicately leaps over in the direction of the squirrel, much like how you might greet a new neighbor with a jello mold. For real, Ted? He lightly sniffed in the direction of the squirrel, who was gyrating his tail like a hornet helicopter a few feet away. This dog is so gentle that he would probably be one of those dogs that would adopt a deer into his own family or something. The squirrel wasn’t amused.
I think it’s so funny that my dogs completely ruin human gender roles by just being themselves. Teddy is the delicate flower. Ella is the one who will eat your sandwich if you aren’t looking. I think that’s a good thing. Who doesn’t love food?
I’d rather have my dogs be bizarrely well suited to one another and our family than be all kinds of perfect like Where the Rwd Fern Grows. Such a good book, but the male dog dies in a hunting accident, and the female dog dies after him, of loneliness. I’d really rather keep them both if we can help it, but if anything were ever to happen to one of them, I wouldn’t want one of them to just die out of default. If we don’t want that nonsense for fictional animals, WHY would we want that for ourselves?? Codependence is really just not the way to go, if you bother to love at all.
If you have “enough” love, and it’s genuine love, wouldn’t you want more love? Why stop at “enough”, if it’s a good thing? If it’s solely good and completely free, what is more love going to cost you? Are your habits as good as what you’d be replacing them with? If you can do better, you should, and there is no shame in that. Love is meant to be multiplied, because how else can it bless people? If you don’t even have enough for you, how do you expect to have enough to share with others? Yes, you can get plenty through grace, but you have to accept the grace, and that can be hard. Sometimes with a lot of spare love through grace, it can feel like you are throwing your money down a well for people who don’t appreciate it, if it’s a gift. If a gift holds absolutely no meaning in being given for the recipient, why not find someone else? I’m pretty sure God does that.
This thought is not going to be popular, but I don’t think dating without enough love for yourself has much potential to be healthy. I don’t think it has as many resources to grow from, even if you meet someone you like. If you really love someone, you want to love them right, and not make them feel burdened by you loving them. If you don’t even have enough love for yourself, you often run the risk of depriving others of love they waste in giving you, if you are not able to accept any love of your own.
That may sound harsh, but it’s also fairly general. If any one person was able to get love perfectly right the first time, I’m not sure I would believe them or even know what to think. I’ve had feelings for people that you could safely describe as codependent before, and given those experiences, I want more for the people I care about in the future. I don’t want to feel like a burden to them.
It may seem like formalities, but postponing developing feelings for people unless they participate in taking the iniative for a relationship is absolutely necessary. It’s a lot harder to undo feelings then vet them and consider them carefully when they first pop up. I know that love can “just happen”, but it can just unhappen also. If someone is worth your time and potential heartache, they should be willing/happy to live that out. Why would you want to be with someone who resents you? It’s not enough.
Don’t we all just want to be valued for our very raw selves? Don’t we want someone who thinks we’re awesome even when we are clearly not, at least in the choices we make? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a person who loves us just because? If you are aiming for lower because you are afraid you won’t be able to find it, it might just be better to wait and see if you can find more grace instead of looking for happiness in a partner.