Have you ever had those moments where you worry you’re the only person like you in the entire world? For some bizarre trait you’re trying to compare, you just feel adrift on a one person island for a bit.
In the past, I’ve spent a lot of time freaking out on that tiny imaginary island. Too much was just as much of a fear as not enough. Being myself wasn’t a choice, it was a punishment.
Now that I’m older, I just want to point out one thing. One tiny, itty bitty thing that may actually be helpful to the fear of being to little/much:
Even if it’s just you completely distinct and different for the rest of your earthly existence, is that necessarily a bad thing?
It’s given that its an “easier” thing to fit in, but is it? If you accept weirdness young, there is less pressure to be what you aren’t. That’s a good kind of difference.
If being weird means doing the things you love, is it worth it to live otherwise? The thing about being strangely you long enough is that you’re bound to attract company. What is the point in having a friend if they don’t love you for who you are? It’s like a physical placeholder.
The hardest part about this is to trust that you as you are is enough. It’s okay to not be okay with your rawest self. But then again, God makes us as he wants us, and it’s hard to truly change who he wanted us to be, even if we fight it for a time. Maybe you don’t know yet, and that’s good. It’s good to want to find out.
Just because being genuine is hard doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try; it’s actually the opposite. If no one is honest with good things, everyone’s lives loose meaning, because even if we like to resent the friends/family who tell it like it is, we rely on them plenty more than we think we do. Just wait til one of those people leaves your life. It’s like a stepping stone relocating.
If you have the designation as someone who is meant to keep everyone anchored, you had better be sure to hold down the fort. Not everyone can do that job. It’s a special way of life. You cant take your blessings for granted. That’s just not fair to those who will never experience them.
If you’re under faith, I don’t see why we hestitate to live out the full extent of our callings. We shouldn’t make ignoring God’s plan for our lives so easy, and make some people more given to stumble than others. That’s basicalle spiritual discrimination. God is the one who judges, but to me, that doesn’t seem fair.
I think it’s time a lot of the world embraces their callings. I want to live in a world where more people have the freedom to safely find their place, and I want to be working to build it.