Wanting more

Wanting more from life is such a weird thing. It’s strange to have good things I was afraid to share be not just encouraged, but encouraging to others. Being yourself when it’s easier to keep good things in only your inner being isn’t convenient, and it doesn’t pay off at first, but eventually what is good becomes obvious.

I just feel like I spend so much of my life thinking about giving and how to give more, that saving and seeking some good ONLY because I want it seems like a stacked game of hungry hungry hippos. Does God really love me enough to want so much better,  that he would be sending love all the time, that the future could be filled with it, that it could be entirely free? I believe it, but I don’t know how it could be better than what I’ve seen. I haven’t seen all that much, but how much better could life get? Since my life has been his, it has never stopped becoming more beautiful. He really loves us that much.

Just think of it: I could marry someone who cares just as much about blessing my life as I do blessing his. I could have children who love me, and spread good out into the world. I could support my church family.  I could do work in my community and throughout the world that needs done. I could teach. I could spend my days giving, as a gift.

That would be utter freedom: to have the space and time to love more. I have all this time set before me, and all the grace to enjoy it only because God loved me.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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