And honestly, that’s a compliment. My mom really has her stuff together, and you can tell. She’s not perfect, she forgets a lot, but she has never hesitated to go put of her way to be kind to people for no good reason, and only now am I happy that that rubbed off. If I was a parent, I’d be proud if my kids assimilated to the good parts of my character. I hope that if I have kids someday, they inherit that too.
I spend chunks of time here and there thinking about what I’d want in a husband, eventually. I want someone who is strong, who would tell me when I’m wrong, who could still be kind, and who would really invest in his family. I want to give my kids more than I have had myself, and to teach them how to provide for others. I would want a husband who cares about the value of service. I would want someone who is strong in what he believes.
We all have choices to make, and sometimes love isn’t enough. If a guy wants to be with you enough, he will. One of the few tried and true methods of keeping me on track even though I falter with where my heart wants to take me is to imagine what I would want for my kids, and try to do the same for myself. I never want them to feel like they aren’t wanted. Even if I can’t choose myself, I can choose my choices as the vessel meant to bless what I want to provide to them.
Aspiring towards having a healthy family is never something anyone should have to feel ashamed of. It’s a holy desire to want to build something. If it is a given that none of us can be perfect, why can’t we be honest in that? If the only thing it took to bless the ones you love was honesty, would you do it? It’s not about whether or not you love them. It’s about fear. And the willingness to take a risk.
I don’t mind waiting on good things if they will be especially blessed once they get here. The waiting is half the fun, if you do it right. Our lives are not for sitting on our hands and self pity. We were made for more than that.
I have three weeks or so left of school and finals, and then vacation. Honestly, my classes have wrapped up to the point where with some studying, it’s vacation until my vacation. I work on campus and am happy there, and for once, it’s nice to soak up the rest.
I like savoring the company of my friends and family. It’s nice to have them in my life.