Gratitude isn’t always humility…

You know, sometimes your life is going really well, and you completely forget you’ve ever encountered strife. You’re classes are good. Things are mostly chill with friends and family. Church is good.

And then the pace picks up.

Things always get interesting when there is more to accomplish, and more peace to need. I’m not sure why, but I always default back to the other end of the spectrum. It is as if good things come as a surprise, and you’re not even being negative. It’s like a slate has been wiped blank within 24 hours. This is the new normal. It’s great to adapt and what not, but if you forget what not being stressed felt like, it’s kind disorienting to get the peace back, gradually. Freaking crazy.

It’s like you hatched out of an egg on Christmas morning, and all you’ve ever known is that shell. Logically, you know that you didn’t hatch yesterday. Your existence has been more than the shell. But whether it’s gratitude, grief, or this alternate reality confusion that has somehow supplanted what on the surface seems like gratitude, I have no idea. Gratitude is easier if you’re ignorant of what else to expect. Even if stress provides a clearing of my mental dry erase board, how do you explain that? You’ve just got to roll with the punches.

Gratitude is easier because sometimes it’s not humility, it’s not knowing what to expect. For whatever reason, if you say you can live with less, people always think you’re humble. In reality, you could just be ignorant of whatever else the world has to offer. It still feels disorienting to not know. So be it. Life will adjust.

Control isn’t necessary to walking with God today, so I’m giving it up. Need to get more homework done. Had a very churchtastic early today, so it’s time to buckle down so I can enjoy tomorrow.




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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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