Thought Bucket 4/13

》Wore comfy clothes to school today, and I’m already feeling the shade. Gonna muscle through because it’s necessary.  You know that feeling when you really just want to wear a comfy hoodie,  and you know that you’re going to overthink it, but when you walk down the street, you know you’re the most comfy person alive? That is the feeling I am after.
》In the media and whatnot: Since when did everyone get a sense of humor? It’s kinda nice.
》Have you ever noticed that sometimes, there is a very tender line between charisma and flirting? I think the difference really just comes down to intentions, and whether or not it’s overkill. You can be silly and warm and not have bad intentions, but sometimes I wonder why women still get most of the credit for having low self esteem, when boys around 20 are either overconfident or about as skittish as a gaggle of cats in heat. It’s okay. Life is a work in progress.  It’s just funny how sometimes, men who were once sensitive try to paint women as the ones who are delicate flowers. Bro, the status of delicate flower is something that we can share. Sensitivity is good. Proving masculinity with artificial prizes and fake glory is a game that really just needs to stop.
》While the last presidential election was more about social attitudes of who everyone thinks is or isn’t cool,  I bet you five dollars the contest in this one will be about who everyone thinks is loveable, quirky, and has their crap together.
》When something that you kinda anticipated comes true, it’s kind of weird. You may have been expecting it for reasons that are only applicable to intuition, but it’s another can of beans entirely once it shows up, and that can feel pretty disorienting.
》Using the word “y’all” is not about southern charm,  it’s about utility. Find me another word that takes the Spanish function of “ustedes” (informal third person plural contraction), and then, onlt then will I change my word choice.  For frick’s sake.
》Ella is a lot like a little gentle lamb these days. When I’m bored after school and my social life is essentially dead (jk?), I like to sit outside with her and Ted on our cement slab near the garden, and sing her songs when she crawls into my lap. Sometimes my neighbors are outside. Yolo. But seriously,  Ella is all calm, and relaxes her whole body, and is basically a Pomeranian puppet doll laying in my lap. It’s pretty great. Ted comes over and sits over her, and she gets halfway trapped under his butt. They run to the fence, and I whistle them back.  We listen to the cardinals flirting. The mosquitoes have yet to really come out.
》Ella likes to sniff around in the dirt. Not sure what she’s trying to find there, but she does like to chew on grass and bite at spiders. More on that eventually.
》The more gratitude you have, the more objective you can afford to be.
》Praise is the solution for everything. Don’t want to do your homework? Ask for help. Embrs e the gratitude. Then, just do it.
》Weirdly, I think its time to actually enjoy college without any additional agenda. Who knew.  I no longer need to prove myself, because that’s just kind of “lol” in the first place. If I want to actually get my work done,  I should probably lower the short term stakes and simmer down. Anxiety does not beget good homework.  Personal life bleeds into your school work. Nah, if I cut myself more slack, all of it will be easier. Only possible through trust.
》Think about it: If you travelled to tons of different cultures, and you brought back the comfy clothes from everyone,  not only would you have all the anecdotes, but you’d have all the diversity protection to be comfortable all the time, because you could just insinuate people dont get it if they take offense. That is grey area nobody needs. Best to just swerve on that one. What I really want is to wear comfy clothes. There has got to be a lifestyle out there where comfy clothes are the only currency, you look fashoinable, and you’re still employed. I’m going to do that.
》That moment where you didn’t eat breakfast and you were hungry and then the hunger passed and you started to fall asleep in your chair. Guess who’s class doesn’t start in half an hiurw cuz it was cancelled? Hollaaaa….
》I know I’m meant to follow nyw calling and in some form, do ministry, but as a fantastical alternative, I’d so much rather be a celebrity best friend. Dang that sounds nice. It’s like my default fantasy when I don’t want to actually do work, and take a half hour break from thr explicit pursuit of meaning for my life. It’s all good, it’s better that way. Maybe if I get lucky, all of it will happen. I don’t week any reason why it can’t.  I think we’ll cross those bridges when we come to them.
》It’s kinda funny how many people look at living with purpose like it isn’t linear and entirely miss the point. It can take years to explain why you make or made one decision. Simmer down,  we’re in this life for the long haul. You can use your brain and heart and whatever else if you want, but grace is seriously the only thing that makes it make sense. If you don’t have that, you’re really not gonna get it in the first place.

Off to do homework, and asking blessings for your Monday,



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I am a teacher-to-be who loves people. I am not afraid of many things. I like to explain my thoughts logically on a very birds-eye view level--I was born thinking that way. I follow Jesus Christ, and I accept only that label to describe my identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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