Does anyone else ever just crave an external force to tell them that they are full of it and actually remind you what you stand for?
Dang, I wish I had a wingman. Not dating for the sake of dating, but can we just acknowledge that a really great outcome of love would be that you have a person who will tell you when you are wrong? I would really like that. It sounds lovely to be able to be told when things aren’t going to work out if I just keep on rambling off into the wrong direction. It sounds like common sense.
It wouldn’t even have to be much, just the acknowledgement that having someone you love in your life provides one helluva living structure. Dang. You get to this certain point where you just want to share things. Its still pretty great to be single, though. I just thing that it’s also pretty awesome to be able to give more.
We always think as humans that giving one another margins of control over our lives is such a freaking cardinal sin, but let’s get real, it’s more like the most subtlety stated ingratitude. If you have a partner who carries his or her weight, life is made easier. Loving someone in the first place makes life easier, and I’m not particularly sure why. It is.
There are so many directions I could live my life in quite happily. I’m listening to God pretty well these days, but it’s like all these loose ends of possibility and dang the amount of options alone is overwhelming. “Nice not problem to have, Haley.” Leave me alone, Internal Voice of Crazy, no one even likes you.
I think the thing that is most likely to make me miss the point in this is that cool stuff will happen regardless, and thinking about what could be is only one slice of the pie. It’s good to dream, but some day, those dreams have got to come true. Sometimes you’re so close to a dream that to act on it instead of laying the ground work so that it will come to you is just not the way to go. It just won’t work as well. It’s paradoxical, but don’t focus on that. Put one foot in front of the other and trust that God will give you the grace to move on as needed. Still not sure what I’m doing with my life, but I think it’s better to give up on expected to know. “Let’s just see what happens” is such a greater choice. I have no idea, but it’s a serene kind of cluelessness that’s only come with age, and I’m storing up this sanity to make a fine vintage for later. Since when do I have spare sanity lying around?? Since never. Its not mine.
Mkay but really, life is lazy sometimes. I feel so lazy but maybe I’ll keep it. I haven’t really felt stressed this semester, so maybe that’s what this is. Nah! Don’t think so. Its just the occasional debating whether it’s worth it to be all panicky. Nah. I’m good.
Yep, it’s still alright. I like the peace more than I like the crazy, and it turns out better for all of us in the long run. I can still turn it on, but I’d like to reserve that for necessity, like a very raw self defense. Lolololol maybe I could just learn kickboxing, or some crap. The truth is, I just dont want to do work for one of my classes in particular, and I’ll probably love it if I do. What is life. I just want to nap.
We have like, one month of school left this academic year. About a week after school ends, I’m going to China for like, two months. I’m looking forward to that Facebook status. “Peace out bros, see y’all in two months”. Jk, it’ll be even more ridiculous. I’mma milk that for all it’s worth.
Oh well! Good night, Internet!