Anger about Dating
How can it be that there are so many broken hearted people on the Internet right now, looking for love in all the wrong places and also, just as many people looking for love in the right ones, that none of them can actually come to some sort of truce and figure out our collective crap long enough to enjoy what love was designed to be?
How can it be that women are expected to give leadership to men who are too startled to even admit their feelings, let alone trust them with our hearts? How can the Church quote lofty ideas about “headship” and protecting women’s feelings from the big, scary world, and yet turn a blind eye to the elephant-in-the-room broken heartedness that so many women face, at the expense of rules that far outstrip the decency of love?
Why is dating/love suddenly a chess match? Would it kill us to be genuine for one moment in our entire lives, and admit that the people we truly love, we might love for a reason? God forbid your casual relationship is slightly less than filling. I guess you should have ordered an appetizer.
Is it so crazy to think that I could fall in love with someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life with, having “no prior experience”? When do I have to qualify the things I love with “prior experience”, knowing that I love them?? Did someone screen me for quality girlfriend material before I decided to take up doing my own laundry? What about learning to do statistics? How about putting all the things I love to organize in a series of precise places in my room? If I wear my nerd glasses that as a nerd, I use to see, FOR THE LOVE OF FRICK, will the attention I receive begin to come from men who would actually be good for my soul? Scrap the six pack and add the nerd, as long as he can keep up.
I swear. I just want to live in a world where I can believe that someone would actually want to go out with me just as I am. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, because my heart is debatably occupied. BUT STILL. Is it so crazy to think that a guy would like me just as I am? I’m beginning to have less and less time to suffer all the fools.
Why can’t a girl with her head screwed on front-wise get a date? I don’t even want a date. I just want to know that it’s possible. That the girl that was fat, or has a history of depression, or could probably beat you ten times over in Connect Four could actually have a shot at a mostly fulfilling freaking relationship. I swear, the boys I know are plenty, but the men are few and far between. Since when do I have to go out of my way to spook some common sense into the person I may love?
I may not have everything figured out, but how many times round the nonsensical dating rollercoaster panic attack do we need to get our crap together? I say “we”, even though I’m not exactly sure who I’m talking to. I’m not exactly sure who is left to talk to on this one, because it seems like the only people who listen to this kind of rant are the women who know it too well and the men who have aged into adulthood far enough to see all their antics ripple across their face. If you had a daughter someday, Imaginary Guy, would you want her to feel this worthless (as I do), when she notices that the only thing that guys that actually talk ask for is something she simply will not give?
I don’t want to feel protected necessarily most of the time, but I would LOVE to feel valued. I would love to feel like guys would actually want to be my friend, instead of a) Being too scared to talk to me and see me as an equal who isn’t out to mysteriously tease/lie/sleep with, or b) a potential score. This still happens, and it’s 2015. Can we please grow up? For the love of God, I want to have kids of my own someday. I assume there are guys out there who would also eventually like families. It’s just so shocking to me that we talk about these lofty dating principles, and yet, it is off limits to have friends who aren’t of your particular gender, or to have friendships that have no hidden motives. I don’t want to be protected, but I would like the truth, for at least five minutes. Otherwise, it just makes all of it turn into the flavor of ashes in your mouth. Why can’t you be honest? Oh right. You might be judged. We all might be judged, and it’s too bad, because it seems like so often, that is the one thing stopping us from jiving with the truth. Too bad.
There are girls in this world who want nothing more than to be with quality guys, and if those guys are so afraid of judgment that they cannot risk actually acknowledging the depth of what relationships mean, then we may as well throw in the freaking towel as a human race. The women have gotten too smart. Seriously. You let us out of the kitchen, and now we may just design our own freaking kitchens and buildings and McMansions that put your stupid kitchen to shame. I don’t have any bun in my oven, so that means that for the time being, I can still have dreams. I’d rather not sell my soul to premature commitment and fumblingly vague boundaries. Integrity is dying a slow death on our front lawns while we stumble to get our crap together.
How can we bear to isolate ourselves, in these great houses of pity and despair? Bitterness. The only good word is bitterness. How can you give up on your life? How can you sell yourself so far short that you believe that ________ is worth it? He or she is not. Christ is a pretty good safety net in love, but we talk about love in hindsight, as if this kind of thing wasn’t extremely difficult to unravel for those inside of it, and those who think they’ve escaped the first steps. We are valued intensely by the Creator of the Universe, and apart from that, whatever. But seriously, why the cowardice? Why the indecision? It looks bad on you.