Praise for living
I like that I smile fully now,
I don’t cut my smiles in half by obligatorily wiping them off,
I like that I listen better now,
I absorb what you are saying,
I acknowledge the truth to your words,
And as an additional blessing, I don’t always agree.
I like that I dance more now. And that sometimes I include my dogs.
I like that I want to be healthy. That it feels good to need to be outside, and to accept charitable endorphins, and allow myself to seek “release” in the ways that make me feel most decent about myself, instead of flirting with my own mortality, like the yesterdays of the past.
I like closing that door. I like tying it up, making my own decisions, and having closure. I like being able to be patient. I like having deep roots, and knowing they don’t define me. I have been reclaimed as God’s. That lone will be enough.
I like drinking iced tea outside, especially when it’s 70 degrees in January. Bring it on, apocalypse (lol).
I like sitting on my couch and holding my dogs and letting them fall asleep peacefully beside me.
I like doing my homework, and I like finding time to get it done when I can’t just pretend it doesn’t matter to me. I want to focus on what the words say, in that research article. I want to think about if it is already a part of me, the truth that this essay holds. I need to see things differently, and I’m here at school, learning to do that, so that it might bless others. Not everyone needs to go to college, and the things I learn here and not just for me, they are for everyone else for the rest of my life. I have the obligation to share goodness, which is in-extricably founded in the root of God’s great love. How much he must have loved us to create such a world worth studying. Maybe I can bridge the gap between academics and the rest of the people I care about. I would do it in a heartbeat if you asked me.
I like waiting to be asked to accept certain responsibilities. I want to be the person that is right for the task, and otherwise, I will just follow will God takes me. It’s okay not to know, because I trust that he is leading me. My life just keeps evolving and transforming into the things he called beautiful from the beginning. Grateful doesn’t do it justice.
I want to be someone others can rely on, and I trust them. I want to be able to trust someone when it is free, and I have to take a leap of faith to make that happen. I believe that God is able to use me to bless others, and I will live my life open to that. I want to be around and present in the lives of the people I care about. That is the most beautiful thing I could ever imagine. I don’t want all the people I love to walk alone. What else do I have to do that is nearly half as lovely as being with the ones I love? That category is expanded daily. Let it become a monsoon.
My emotions were always big, but I like how enormous they can become when they are in the name of goodness. I don’t have to be right, and I can admit to myself and God (and others!) when I’ve screwed up. But the bits and pieces he made me with were perfect, even if they are hard to re-enact sometimes. I may not be able to be much greater than me on my own, but why exactly would I want to be? I will never be alone again.
I just want to see what happens. I’m excited for the rest of it. I’m happy to just be here, typing on my laptop, sitting cross-legged on a couch. I’m free to exist, and I justify my life to no one. But then again, I will certainly share it.
There is no reason to be afraid, because what exactly is there to fear? Nothing but the same old nonsense that gets blown back and forth by the wind. I’ll whip my curls back and forth (pop reference) and watch as mountains dissolve into the global warming ocean, and as I can help teach other people to layer their clothes better. Lol, I could probs make a fallout shelter if I had to. Bahahha why on earth would I hide from a Christ-centric apocalypse? I’ll see y’all suckers later; I’m hedging my bets with him, and hopefully he beams me up.
Always, there is this tone of freshness, of creation if you let there be. I am alive. I can feel my heart beat. It’s nice. Even as small as it is, the same joy of a new sonogram beats within my chest. I am alive.
How can we fight for any kind of existence if we don’t value our own? A little more every day, like he told me. I will look for him in the places that scare me, and run through the flames so long that I become fireproof. Whoever said fear was relevant to this great chain of love I have somehow inherited? He chose for that to happen. Who am I to refuse?
I like being free in this way. It’s like the smell of cinnamon, and falling asleep on freshly rained on pavement in the summer, where there is still heat but you can also feel the steam slowly drying off the dirt. I like exhibiting the joys he put in my heart on my face, like I am a living gallery. Why the hell not? He made me in his image, right? I am part of the earth. I will wear my joy on my face on display, giving praise to the temple I was born into.
There is no cause to fear. There is no reason to regret. I’m moving forward, and I love that he gives me that choice. His pace will be my pace. Where you go, I will go. And I hope that he will use me to bless the world. I trust him. There is no reason he can’t. Let’s just see what happens. 🙂