Happiness at School, and Peace over Youth

1/21/2015

Happiness at School, and Peace over Youth

You mean I have to do homework now?

Be still be still be still be still

You mean I have to wait until class tomorrow to talk about Schizophrenia…and Ballet?

Be still be still be still be still

You mean I have to—

Wait.

I get to.

I want to.

I need to.

I will.

And I will enjoy it for what it’s worth;

Three semesters.

Is there anyone else in the world who is this happy?

I’m asking, because I don’t know.

I told Karen today,

And it is cool to talk about,

Because it is a miracle,

And I’m living it.

Good luck explaining,

Try to write about it, if you dare,

But to walk around and breathe the same temperature of humid air I breathed in Chile,

To remember what home is like as I find it here, at home,

To remember where I’ve been and who I was and

Have already forgiven and let go of all of it

No fear,

Is this even possible?

Am I alive, if I am this happy?

I learned to value things small, but if I am buoyed up by all that I see, hear, smell, touch, and know,

Even by what is not good, so long as it is there,

Will I float up into the truth like a balloon;

Never again to touch ground?

I miss nothing.

I am afraid of nothing.

I want for nothing.

My heart is still,

And I am finally the best “not normal” I know;

How freaking odd.

I like this so much better,

Wouldn’t you?

I’m at peace,

WHY DID GOD GIVE THE GIFT OF PEACE TO THE 20 YEAR OLD??

Don’t people work their entire lives for this?

Maybe?

I don’t know.

What did I do to be this happy?

The answer: NOTHING.

How the hell did that happen? Srsly?!

I will never know,

But it only gets more impressive with time;

Does anyone live to see that?

What the hell have I stumbled into?

Is this really something people can bear to take for granted?

Is this really what stability, consistency, and provision looks like?

Holy hell,

It’s like having cold toes warm up.

Where have I been?

Was I even real then?

Am I real now?

Was I real then and now?

I think so…

But I’m so happy!

How can that happen??

I get to wait patiently,

And know that there will never be an answer,

It’s the worst prayer and the most desperate wish answered,

In the lack of any answer,

And I’m grateful.

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Published by

haleylol

I am a teacher-to-be who loves people. I am not afraid of many things. I like to explain my thoughts logically on a very birds-eye view level--I was born thinking that way. I follow Jesus Christ, and I accept only that label to describe my identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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