Adjusted

1/22/2015

Adjusted

I laugh at car accidents.

Well, it’s not like I’m proud of it.

The shock sensation and disbelief comes out in laughter.

Do you believe me now?

Well,

I laugh at discomfort,

I know it makes you feel worse if I do it when you are speaking,

Or if you feel vulnerable,

Or if it is hard.

But,

I know that it isn’t a bad thing, when you and I are together,

To laugh at fear,

And I wonder why it becomes such a scary thing,

To be unafraid with others?

They won’t judge you,

I promise.

If you allow people to see you for what you are,

And you allow us both to celebrate you together,

No one will judge,

Never again.

Don’t be afraid;

Fear will ruin you,

I promise.

Be better than ‘adjusted’,

Be yourself.

You will spend your entire life trying to adjust to what becomes adjusted

A little here,

A bit off your shoulder,

There may be a chip there, but you’ll add some to your ego,

There, we’re all balanced out.

Don’t be ‘adjusted’,

Dear God, don’t adjust.

You are beautiful just the way you are,

Even if you don’t know what that is yet.

You can adjust later, when it’s the right time,

When it is something that feels right,

When it doesn’t shame you,

Or mock you,

Or wound you,

Or burn.

Adjust later or just, not now,

Try on the discomfort of being genuine for just a little while,

It will grow on you like an exponential moss,

And soon, it will engulf you.

If you struggle, you’ll strangle,

But like the vine-y cushion in the Chamber of Secrets,

It will pad your fall,

And heal you, protecting you from the fear of

Being honest.

Never again will you worry,

Never.

You will push through the fear,

Decide to let it go,

Do it again and again,

And someday,

You will not even notice,

It will have become habit.

But it’s okay to wait just a little longer,

To decide that now is the time,

To be insecure or unsure in the future,

To not be able to laugh, except at car accidents;

Even if that were the case.

It is okay,

Because what else should it be?

It is.

Healing can take time, my friends;

If a sugar pill did the trick, we’d already have all metamorphosized

Into Jesus.

But it’s not that simple,

It is what it is,

But could all you need to know,

Be only what you see?

Adjust to the most of the moment,

And take it from there.

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Published by

haleynoohra

I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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