Inconsistent

1/5/2015

Inconsistent

The belief that I am special scares me. It really does. I don’t understand what the difference between someone who is “egotistical” and “independent” is. Sometimes you need to have an inward focus. A lot of the time, that does no harm. When there is a power differential between you and others in how you evaluate your actions, I would assume that to be bad.

If you believe you are worth less than others, people assume that to mean you have “low self-worth.” If you matter more than others, people take that to mean you are “arrogant”. I don’t entirely get it. If you believe that the value of yourself and also, other’s is somewhat low, that makes you a “cynic”. If you believe that the value of yourself and also, other’s is high, that makes you a “mystic”. And if you don’t describe it at all? I don’t know what we “are”, but I’m with you.

We treat just about everything if it isn’t defined right in someone’s book, especially if we aren’t asked to. There has always been homelessness. There has always been poverty. There has always been creativity. There has always been vanity, and greed, and charging for sex; all of it. We have always had these things; they are not the fault of any one person. Why is that such a new thing?

It’s new because it’s obvious, I guess. Shouldn’t it be? Or can we just decide to care less about “new” and more about right, in service and providing for others? About recognizing and taking responsibility for the flaws and the messes we make and contribute to by doing nothing? It is not so hard if it is simple. It is no so hard if it is small. Why would it change by making it complicated and big if it could not have peace as simple and small, like most things start? In America, we outsource everything, but isn’t the wisest stuff what is passed down in families? Collective wisdom kinds of things? Can we stop aspiring to achieve, please? I’m tired. I’d like to just live.

We who “no longer” live hungry, who generally mostly do not die of plague-like disease, who have enough money to be terrorized and ransomed, who have enough information to fight over it, who know laws so well we make them poorly, who act innocent as convicted felons and murderers, who take what we please regardless, who shame and belittle and blame: could there be a better way?

There are so few actual needs in America except in the people who somehow are not people enough to need them. When will we wake up? Everything looks lovely and new with a ribbon on it, but we can do better.

Our social problems are old, yet we act like creating billion dollar solutions will change the world perfect. They won’t. Money can’t buy happiness. It may be able to buy equality. But only if we let it. Is it enough to be so separate?

I am tired. We can do better. Please let it be.

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Published by

haleylol

I am a teacher-to-be who loves people. I am not afraid of many things. I like to explain my thoughts logically on a very birds-eye view level--I was born thinking that way. I follow Jesus Christ, and I accept only that label to describe my identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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