This may be cynical, but would a better method of loving people and getting to know them include…

Getting to know their weaknesses from the get go? I can fall into idealizing things easily when I am happy, but I honestly think the practice of knowing people by paying active attention to where and in what they fail in would do me some serious good. It would allow me to spend time thinking about how to be a good friend to them over the long term, which will make it so that I have enough information (I will already think about anyways) to be kinder and calmer if I am disappointed at any point. I don’t think this is insensitive or offensive whatsoever, I think it is merely to acknowledge that we all have faults and accept them with the good things over time in a gradual way. If it is given that all people have faults, and that those faults are often one extreme of the best thing about them, only turned negative, I will learn most about people’s beauty by learning about their worst selves and then just flipping the negative sign positive. I believe that people’s darkest moments are a reflection of their best selves only in a much darker, bitter way.

We all have that inside us, it is no more right and wrong than the beauty we also contain and hopefully, display. If you can practicing accepting and learning from someone’s flaws from the moment you meet them as well as appreciating their weaknesses, there is no reason for judgment at any point because you will treat them kind enough to where there will be no means for justifying any wrong done to you or your character. You will be able to be consistently kind, and in doing so, release any misunderstanding that you have some role in the justification that they have judged you. No one has the right to judge anyone. That is given. No one has the right to hurt anyone. That too is given. If someone hurts you on the basis of judgment for whatever reason, and you have only ever been kind, you know that that is not your burden to bear. However, if you pay attention to weaknesses and personality traits that are negative (and thus, much easier to identify), and then realize their corresponding equivalents in decency, you will be able to forgive so much easier because there will be no fear, and thus, doubt. And doubt is the antithesis of love.

Summary: Accept people for all that they are and pay attention to flaws from the moment you meet a person so that you can forgive them easier later, given grace.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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