Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Accepting Good Things

12/29/2014

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Accepting Good Things

I don’t want to be in front. I don’t like stages. I want to be behind the scenes. I want to be close to the people who are there with me. I want to jump into everything. I want to be awesomely slow, and know scripture and teach and just be.

I still want to teach, that never changes. I still want to do Teach for America. I still want to travel.

I really like watching old movies from when I was growing up. It gives me this peace in remembering because they’re all my favorite.

I think it’s funny, because the best parts of my favorite movies are like my favorite things in the world that are real.

I’m like all of these characters in this movie, I’m Tibby and Carmen and Lena and Bridget. I remember watching this movie as a kid and knowing I couldn’t just choose one person to be like me. That is how I read like, every book. Everybody always picks one favorite. I love bits and pieces of everyone. That hasn’t changed.

Don’t we all get scared of the same things?

Like, if you like someone, aren’t you afraid to meet their family? Or be dumb alone?

I don’t think that I’m insecure, I just feel like this is normal. It took a while to simmer down and not panic, but the scariest part is in my head right now, wondering if I’ve made all of it up. Ehh! Beans to me, for all I know. But I love him.

It’s like every scene in every movie I’ve ever dreamt about looking out that little window in Lena’s room. Would you accept something so beautiful if it smacked you in the face and you had like, no choice? That’s where we’re at, Internet.

Nah, I’m totally Carmen. Yikes.

Hahahahhhah Lena not wanting to get naked on the beach. Oh girl, I feel you. This was definitely the best part of escapism in this movie, all of that scenery that just made you want to eat your soul so it could come up sweet later.

I think many people could see all of my life right now as kind of sad, but honestly, I pity them. I get to have so much time. Time is so beautiful. I get to watch happy movies and remember the best parts, because I have suddenly remembered all of it anyways. I knew when I came home the only way it would make sense, after I woke up in remembering, is to look to my tub and read the journals. Who knew writing was the thing that always made me happiest in the world? I guess God did.

It’s weird to see all of this take hold like it was always there. It’s like sanity. Ehh. I thought I was all the way healed when I came home, and yes, I guess in terms of my body, I was. The rest of this is extra and not something I asked for, but totally excellent.

It’s really weird in a really nice way. I bet you five dollars every person that never thought awesome things were possible and then had to just deal with happiness kinda feels resentful in the most stupid way like this. I passed the “woe is me” bit when I survived depression, the rest of it feels like a bad joke that you have to take a red or blue pill to figure out if it’s a thing. All of my favorite things come gushing out when I watch these movies, and who ever knew that they had survived.

Oh Carmen, I understand. This was about where I would check out in a rage and then empathize and let her anger bring me back to reality.

People are broken, that is a given. The hardest part about accepting growing up is realizing that you are broken in the same stupid ways. It’s definitely the worst thing ever.

I hate having to write in ways that aren’t me. I hate writing research papers. Passionately. I hate writing poems when I don’t feel like it. I hate analyzing things that are infinitely boring in classes, and then cranking out dumb papers in five minutes because that is all they expect of me. I hate that saying that to people’s faces is grounds for really bad attitudes about reality, because this is what we all live with and no one is brave enough to fix it properly. I could do it, sure. But no one listens to me in the first place, and I would SO much rather follow Jesus because that just seems like a better way to care.

I like Bailey. She is the best character in this entire movie, of course she would be the one to die. Aww she set them up. Hahahahhhhah Carmen speaking Spanish to call out the people she doesn’t like. Hahahha that totally happens. Like, to me. Like, I don’t do that to other people but I TOTALLY could. Consider it grace. Lol.

Wow.

Why do they avoid talking about reality? I think I just need to accept now that that is something I will never get, and let it be a blessing as I look for context clues and appreciate what I do know. People always used to think I had some sort of disability when I said that, but that is not the case. Reality is the pits when people hide it. You don’t have to have any kind of diagnosis to realize sometimes, you don’t see the truth.

I think people with disabilities must know that infinitely better than all of us. People not accepting the truth. It is the worst thing in the world to have ignoring something used against your character for no good reason and because it’s easy.

God, Tibby needs to stop. I think I casually absorbed that. Man, Bailey is the best person. She may be young, but she’s making it happen. I like her.

I am going to do everything that I currently do when I become older than this, I may just keep some of it or put it in more specialized uses. People would probably think it’s weird if I’m 40 and write like this but a) Don’t care and b) I doubt that will be a legitimate issue once that happens, they never are.

I like being able to write like I’m all ages. I could do that. But I like this; it’s so much more real. It means so much more to me, and I’d like to keep it forever because it’s the best way I have to remember and enjoy what I see.

Honestly, I could write however I want. I could do just about anything, honestly. But I don’t want to. This is me. I will be like this working in a church too, or travelling for God, anything. This is who I am, and I love it.

Why should it be so explosive as not knowing? That is the point of this movie, I know. The each have their separate lives and they try to do them best, knowing that the love is greater than everything they could do wrong. When I was in Chile, there was so much more acceptance and freedom to not know. To be late. To enjoy people. I’m here, back where I started.

Oh Lena, not everyone who has lost everything is open to love. Being open to love is about your heart and your spirit, it isn’t about circumstances. It’s about risk, and it’s about taking chances. We each decide what our choices will be; we can’t pretend we don’t choose. But we can savor them to the best of our abilities, regardless of the circumstances.

Everything Carmen has ever known going up in flames, it all settles down eventually. Be careful, Bridget. You don’t realize how much is there sitting in that room if you let it be. Not all of us can stop ourselves. I may not be crazy like Bridget, but honestly, if you only know crazy when it comes to all of that, and if crazy is all you see when you are at school, and crazy is all you can translate, it’s gonna come out sounding like crazy before it sounds like any kind of English. Maybe I could translate crazy into Spanish. Hah. I already have.

The weird thing is, I like being the person to talk about all this. I’m going to talk about all of it anyways. I like being able to be honest about it. Some people have lives that are like mine or the Lady in Walman’s with the blueberries and graham crackers, and some people don’t survive for reasons that are much more graphic than Leukemia.

HAHAHHAHHA curvy girl proportions in insecurity soup. Classic.

Dang. She likes to blow everything up. I respect that. She may not know what she is talking about, but at least she lies it all on the table. That is brave, and I’m telling you from experience.

YIKES wanting boys as an outlet for your bravery. That is dangerous. I could scream Scripture at you, or I could just play the Gully and tell you to be careful. Ehh. Whatever. People will do what they will do, and if you don’t buy them condoms, we will just have more people doing what they do. I’m not saying it’s my favorite, but I’d like to not be a hypocrite that can’t handle reality.

I never liked this boy in this movie. He was way too blonde and beachy. Everyone has a type here or there, my type is pretty extensive and it really has nothing to do with looks. I mean that seriously. I still like the boy I like, and he could look like a cactopus (cactus octopus, made it up, go with it) and I’d still think he was cute. I may have to accept certain limitations about what that meant, but if you like someone, you accept those because it matters. Some girls are like Bridget, they know what they want and they just have to develop their taste. Honestly, I have never cared enough to actually want to think about it all that much. That can be a rough hand of cards when you are young and everyone wants to talk about it literally constantly. I’m sorry I want more. I was never sorry for a second.

What struck me as weird when I was scrambling to figure out things earlier this semester is how many adults seriously had no idea how to accept that we are not powerhouses of awesome at 20. We just aren’t. If we pretend to be, you should be concerned. If we don’t, don’t pretend we aren’t ok. We are just being honest.

In the second Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants movie (much better fyi), Kostas gets married. I read the books, but the movies are better. It was sad to watch, it’s even sadder to realize that it is also reality. But life happens. Things happen.

Opp. Carmen hit a vein. Yikes.

I want to keep this under a lot of words, so I am going to cut it off now. The guarding your daughters like a Tower thing is definitely true on Song of Songs. It’s dangerous to be young, but whatever, these are our lives and beautiful things are scattered throughout all of them like confetti if you are looking. Lena smiling like an idiot, yes, Lena, I understand. My mom catches me smiling sometimes and I still hate it, ESPECIALLY when I’m thinking about that boy. Hah. Whatever.

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Published by

haleylol

I am a teacher-to-be who loves people. I am not afraid of many things. I like to explain my thoughts logically on a very birds-eye view level--I was born thinking that way. I follow Jesus Christ, and I accept only that label to describe my identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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