I know that you don’t always know most of what I’m telling you, or trying to explain, or stumbling with. That is okay. It matters so much more to me that you are here and paying attention than that you would ever say anything, even something beautiful.
It would make me very happy if you read what I wrote from time to time. It means a lot to me. I can’t explain it in person all the time, so this is my sanity, to see it spelled out. It makes sense when I see it in front of my eyes. It means so much to know that you would read it, to just think that it would be good. To be kind like this. I need to do this for me, but I would like to do it for you too. Let God be in control, that is all I’ve ever wanted. There is peace.
I know that not all people are direct like me, and if you are my friend, you probably aren’t. I have friends of all kinds, but it is a recently acquired humility that it takes for me to have friends that are so direct as me. Personally, I find them obnoxious. I am glad you don’t. There is only so much of my own fake-ness I can take, and being direct can cull out insensitivity and being wrong in even the most humble of people (I am not one of them).
If you can use this, please take it. If you don’t believe it, please do not insult it. If you would like to continue to pretend that none of it exists, I will pretend with you because I love you. Never say this is wrong. Never say this is bad. Never say this isn’t kind, it will make me cry.
I trust you, otherwise I would not keep you. Please realize that the only thing that will make me trust you less is lies told over time. I do my best to be patient and what not, but lies wound more than I could ever anticipate or disclose. Please do not lie to me.
Ehh, I’m done being serious about that, but it’s still true. I’m leaving the ball in your court, do what you would like so long as it isn’t cruel. And for the rest of it, simply ask.
All the love,