Thought Bucket 12/26

Thought Bucket 12/26

You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.

  • The only stupid questions are the ones that are asked with no intentions of ever being heard.
  • Leaving is only good if you can be happy when you come home.
  • Beauty has so little to do with appearances and so much more to do with goodness and love that comes out even when you don’t really want it to. If you limit the love you have, it can’t spill over and ripple out and then show up strangely after years of never believing any of it would actually do any real good, but hoping that someday it would.
  • I love my friends.
  • I miss the days of making homemade popsicles, not because I could do that with juice and a freezer whenever I want, but because you could never just make one popsicle, and half the fun was sitting still and sucking all the sugar colors out as it turned to pale and paler ice.
  • If you have to suck out any kind of venom, you gather strength over time. No one ever said that something so useful as venom had to be wasted. Think of tiny tree frogs in the Amazon. Use your venom to cure cancer or something. You will never know if you never try.
  • I think it’s funny that Ted is grey and Ella is black and also white that are very pure apiece. She has true black and white like snow, and they are splotched all over her and stickered in dots up her feet, with bits of grey and tiny black and white hairs growing in between patches like weeds and hills of grasses that all don’t really get along except in splotches. Think rippled hills over her chunky pig body that change with the seasons and when she molts and basically any time she feels like chewing her feet. It just is, and I’m grateful they are so different, because they are my favorite litmus test. If I can see indecision written on my Pomeranian’s face, then I know for a fact there is something more there.
  • I wonder if people in “healthy” relationships sleep with teddy bears. Whatever. I just know how to sleep right, and people always think that tucked sheets and perfect temperatures are the key to good sleep. False. It boils down to sleep cycles, REM sleep, and finding a way to rest that makes you recharged and not falling sleep in your soup at 6pm. Naps can be as short as 20 minutes for those of you that can successfully nap and have the free will to budget it into your days. Some of us would rather just go hard or go home from the moment we wake up until we pass out at a preprogrammed hour. And at the end of the day, I still love my teddy bear because it’s the perfect proportions to provide the perfect comfort. I plan on keeping it into old age, and whoever wants to call be a) childish, b) creepy, c) I don’t care I’m doing it, get over it I’m stopping my list here I love my damn teddy bear.
  • For all the creepy men and women on the internet that think that’s for their benefit and not just because I like my damn teddy bear and I’m some sort of sex object for y’all to mock and think about in a series of creepy ways that really would break my heart if I knew about, how about y’all check yourselves before you wreck yourselves and realize that that is seriously not ok and furthermore, please stop.
  • The best litmus test of if people love you is what they would give up for you. I hate to make it just about sacrifice, because that is kind of the point. But if someone gives you what they most love (even if it isn’t a physical thing), then you know for a fact that they mean it. Bite off a bit of your ego and swallow it so that no one will know it was meant for them. The smaller we make all this the happier we live.
  • I am glad that I know enough about kicking some *expletive* that I could defend myself. Not everyone does. I think it’s funnier that the most protective thing to me and my personal safety has been an attitude than pepper spray or mace or cat knuckles or anything. I am not a victim. Period. If you want to mess with me, you can try, and if you succeed, I pray that you get exactly whatever God has coming your way, I seriously doubt it will be pretty, especially if I ask. But then again, the only way is to try, right? Either that or learn to respect boundaries so I don’t ask that your dick falls off, your call.
  • I often wonder if saying that with a straight face would be enough. I get the feeling that if I let out the side of me that is an Ice Queen and only really came out when I was young and discovered someone been reading my journals, it would be like a hurricane. I’m saving her for the occasion if I need her, and she is always there, biding her time to spring into action with a straight face and a withering glare that will chill you down to your half erection. Classy ladies gotta have something going for them, and if you want to mess with me there is no difference than the other girls that are my age in terms of my physical capabilities, honestly. However, the repercussions might be a little scarier than you might expect, because I know exactly who to ask and what to ask for. And honestly, he usually gives me what I ask for because I ask only. Best part about asking is that I can do it with duck tape over my mouth. But yeah, just keep raping the people I love most who are also my age. I will level you to the ground if I ever know and for the record, if you ever touch anyone close to me I will find a way to make you regret it, even if it is just to ask.
  • The best part about all this is that it is in no way a bluff.
  • Teddy likes to come sit next to me when I’m most mad or scared. Sometimes when I doubt, he likes to sit on my stomach. Not sure why, but its hella funny. Still waiting for conviction on the rest.
  • I get the feeling that some of these things would embarrass most people, but the idea is that if you are embarrassed, then you probably don’t believe it’s necessary. Too bad.
  • If you can’t understand except through threats, then you probably don’t understand at all.
  • I think it’s so twisted that people will look to children that disobey and push the limits of how far they can wander and not understand that all people wander for a reason, and not all return for that same reason. We all wander to and from some things. Why do we worry about other people’s children wandering if we can’t stop wandering ourselves?
  • I think the reason that Job asked for sympathy (apart from custom) is that he genuinely wanted the recognition of the truth and to seek understanding with others, instead of being forgotten in his heart. He wasn’t actually forgotten, but he asked for sympathy so that that might be recognized in an external way. I think that Job is like all of us when we stumble, we just want to have peace in knowing that someone else is watching, because people will always be watching. The question is if we trust them to be watching and know. It doesn’t always boil down to trust, though. If trust is the acknowledgement of the humble truth and the grace over failing, should that happen, then fear is the destruction of humility via ego and judging people based solely upon their isolated, evil-intentioned, and long a foreseen (if not calculated) actions, believing that the goal was to wound you specifically.
  • I don’t like Philosophy as an isolated practice because it makes it all mean nothing to use none of it in your life.
  • I don’t want to think if I can’t use any of it outside of myself.
  • Why the hell would you write a book and not believe it?
  • What is the point of spending all that time and effort in writing if you only mean to share it in print??
  • Books are just reflections of who we are, as are every other preference. People that decide who is awesome and who is not just get together and decide what the best bits and pieces of culture are, and you know what? They’d be hella wrong no matter who exactly they are. It’s much too small to contain the infinite awesome of infinite differences and infinite love.
  • Definitions are so much more connotation than denotation across contexts. Quickest way to learn that is to speak a foreign language and improvise the rest.
  • I think of Buddha and his status as a prince before he reached enlightenment a lot. I wonder if it would have been a lot quicker if he wasn’t so used to having so much in his prior life. He goes for it by making himself as poor as possible, and it makes sense after all. There is such little different in most religious teachings, but I believe in Jesus because I believe in the structure of how God loves. He had to tear the veil from top to bottom. Given how we all fail so much and no one is perfect despite that we all try to be, it makes sense that God would have to come to us and that it would have to be in the weakest pay possible to get our attention. The numbers God uses are the same numbers you can see if you break open a rose rip or an acorn. And plus, I pray to him and he saves me. That is literally all the evidence I need.
  • You know a tree by its fruit, and if you are very used to pomegranate trees or sycamore trees or acorn trees or simply pineapple, which regenerate from a root, you will know that fruit best because you will know that tree best. However, will you recognize that in a way, all are trees? That is the difference.
  • Who wouldn’t think Jesus is awesome if they had met him? He’s like the nicest guy.
  • When I was in junior high, I used to believe that we should just mishmash all the religions into religion soup and then we’d achieve the truth. No. That wasn’t true because I was still just as miserable, if not more. Compromise is important, but to compromise all of it together is to basically make everything terrible, we’d multiply the failure. Reasons why Babel was necessary. However, I do believe that respect, love, and treating each others truths as truth is important no matter the context. Nobody has to do it perfectly if we all make a freaking effort.
  • If you recognize goodness in whatever someone says, you are going to recall goodness no matter how it was initially explained, or using whatever symbol or personification of that goodness you can remember. Goodness is goodness, and reality is entirely something separate.
  • The happiest sentence in the world: “I was thinking of you and ____ when….”
  • I don’t understand why people view accepting kindness and truth in other forms of faith as “apologetics”. If anything, it’s just being a decent person and judging by the same ruler.
  • There is too much to see to keep it so small.
  • Age means nothing.
  • I often wonder if all the years I was too sick to go to school I subconsciously made myself sick due to the stress of going to school and how much I hated it anyways.
  • I got a double ear infection this semester, after I recovered from all of that sinus infection 6 week nonsense. That was Baptisms Night, the car accident and the shot of Nyquil. It’s funny. I got over it in three days by slowing down and not wallowing. Health is such a mixed bag I can’t even describe it. The weird thing is, it started the exact same way and the exact same strength as my sinus infection. Lol festering anger and spiritual warfare when it comes to making yourself sick, there is so much that can be said about choices and boundaries and health that I’m going to just leave it there.
  • I was listening to a podcast the other night, and I like this line: “What comes into the body is the part that can harm, what comes out of the body is what can heal.” In terms of becoming beautiful through happiness, I completely agree. Also, words as daggers.
  • If someone is kind to you, that is almost worth more than listening, given the context, because that is permanent and portable. You have to be in certain places for people to be willing to accept listening. Not the case with kindness; that can be shared at any time, for any reason, in any place.
  • I believe people when they say they can’t remember their actions if when they are terrible. I trust them because being mean never helped anyone remember anything, especially if you are afraid of what you might remember.
  • Do we have to make things so complicated as electric chairs, poison, and organized violence by demographic? Regenerating sadness from having two or more gathered in discomfort, misery, and self-pity. Doesn’t that make sense, if it’s all the same but backwards? I don’t understand jails or prisons, I never have. If you love someone, you teach them in a way that isn’t about you or them. It’s a lot like Moses Maimonides and the 8 Levels of Tzedakah.
  • If you love something, you will naturally be attracted to learning about it.
  • That is how I chose my major. I stuck with Psychology because of the flexibility and the focus, but truly, if you are undecided, stay that way and dabble. The only class I was afraid but kinda fascinated enough to take as a freshman was an Introductory Women’s Studies class. I suggest starting as broad as possible and whittling it down, knowing that nothing is a contract and you are free to decide. If you love something, you can survive on anything, and your priorities will emerge over time naturally as you age. It is the exact opposite of the advice given out to most freshmen: to get the general education requirements out of the way first. That is dumb, because you can use those to stall if you need more time. It’s all about making it up as you go anyways: if something sounds interesting, do it and see why it sounded interesting. Even if you don’t stick with it, knowing that people most remember and learn from what didn’t work, at least it’s a lesson you won’t forget and you will learn from.
  • (Nobody has it figured out)
  • The longer you stall the harder it becomes to move.

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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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