I don’t understand Christmas
I don’t understand Christmas,
I really just like the time with my family,
Nobody ever believes me if I say I don’t want presents,
I just want to savor the time.
I can be “domestic” if you want,
I can cook and clean and bake and Pinterest.
I can be “minimalist” if you want,
Have you ever had Ham Salad and pickles on Christmas??
I can be “fun” and “new”!
Does anyone want to watch Wes Anderson movies?
I will suffer even that for Christmas,
I really don’t care.
I can be “happy” for Christmas,
We can dance and do dumb carols and take family walks and do a bunch of dumb happy things,
I can window shop and be cozy for Christmas too,
I even have blankets.
What I don’t understand is why when people ask for Christmas,
They ask for the exact opposite of what they want,
And they ask like it’s easy to know that.
I hate Zales and department store ads because they seem really really sad,
The idea of a car with a bow would literally make me vomit,
I can feel the bile and tension rising up as I write this.
The things people most need on Christmas they don’t get,
It just makes me very very sad to think about diamonds,
I hope I never get one,
Not like that.
A big house and a big warm Christmas,
Dumb shenanigans like Chevy Chase,
Cops as a joke,
Who wouldn’t want that Christmas??
At least if only to give us a gold standard to aspire to.
I just think that Christmas is meant to be fellowship,
Enjoying each other’s company,
Food, even if it’s unconventional and straight up weird,
And apart from that, even Scrooge had hope after all of it,
How many bad Christmases did that take??
I don’t know.
But all I want for Christmas is time.