How to be a Real Life Ninja Warrior


How to be a Real Life Ninja Warrior

(Note: For my brothers and their families for Christmas)


Because I was 5 when your father was 17, I now know how to be a super Ninja warrior now that I am 20 years old. Because we are family and these things are super family secrets and you have to teach each other how to be a really good ninja, I am going to tell you some things that your father, my brother Casey taught me and your aunt Lauren so that we could be super ninja warriors like him and like you. It is something that you have to learn, Lincoln, so I am going to pass on some tips to you because you are my nephew and because it’s true and I want you to be the best ninja you can be.

First, know that ninja’s are something that are seriously everywhere. You cannot learn to be a ninja by sitting still, because ninja’s move too well and too fast to just sit still ever. You have to be very careful about how you choose to be a ninja.

Good ninjas don’t let anyone know their secret identities except when they are nice. That won’t make sense yet, Lincoln, but you will understand with time. If you are a good ninja (there are good and bad ninjas, bro) then you have to also be a good person. The bad ninjas are the ninjas that have all the fighting and battle skills, but are not nice people. They could even be in your classroom and you won’t even know it. They could be your teacher, even. This is not to say that you should be afraid of the bad ninjas, because all ninjas can choose to be good ninjas if they want. But this means you should look for the nice ninjas and be like them.

This is why you should listen to my brother, your dad. He was the one who taught me to be a ninja. Remember, I have 15 more years than you of being a ninja. Girls can be ninjas. Boys can be ninjas.  Big people can be ninjas just like littler people, and really, there is nothing that won’t make you a ninja if you do it right. I swear. Seriously. If you can be a better ninja than me when you are 20 years old, then you can tell me I’m wrong, but until then, it’s not like I tell my ninja status to everyone, you know?

The thing about being a ninja is that the only people who will realize you are a ninja are the people who are looking, and you have to be nice to recognize who is a ninja and who isn’t. That is why the bad guys literally always lose, because they can’t see straight. They mix up the good ones and the bad ones. That’s why the best ninja’s win Ninja Warrior. Because all ninjas can be good ninjas if they try.

Anyways, to be a good ninja is a hard thing. It includes things like sharing, and doing what your dad says (because he’s right, he taught me, after all), and being a good friend, and doing things you don’t want to do when other people need you to do it and it is the right thing to do. Ask your dad what that means, I’m still trying to figure it out. But the point is, being a ninja is something you have to learn. And if you listen to your Dad, he will teach you. But only if you listen. You have to listen to know how to be a ninja. I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true, Lincoln. You have to listen.

Ninjas take care of their family, like you take care of Tommy. Ninjas ask questions, but sometimes, ninjas don’t ask questions, they watch and answer their questions by looking. Did you know that your dad met your mom when he was still trying to answer questions? He went to China and they met and now we have you and Tommy because that was a question that he answered: Who to fall in love with so we could get you and Tommy. It’s a lot simpler than some people make it, but trust me, the answers don’t change when you get to be 20 years old, they never do.

To be a good ninja, you just have to be you, but the best you that there is. You have to do it when it isn’t fair. You have to do it when you’re scared to do it. You have to do it because otherwise, you won’t be able to teach the other ninjas how to be ninjas like your Dad taught me. Above all things, know that if you become a bad ninja at any point, you just have to remember that being a ninja is about being nice. And then, you can come back to the nice guys because that’s what we want for you anyways.

Anyway Lincoln, I’d be in Colorado with you and Hannah and Jacob and Tommy and everybody else for Christmas if I could. I wanted to write you a special story though, so you could be the one to tell Jacob how to be a good ninja. He needs to know too, Lincoln. Please tell him.

Anyways, this is for you and your Dad and your mom and your uncle Shawn and your aunt Tara and everybody else too, so we can all be good ninjas. And apart from that, it’s really just easy. Being yourself. Being a good ninja. It’s the same thing if you’re nice.

Love you to pieces, bud. Until we chat next,



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I am a teacher-to-be who loves people. I am not afraid of many things. I like to explain my thoughts logically on a very birds-eye view level--I was born thinking that way. I follow Jesus Christ, and I accept only that label to describe my identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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