Magic Miracle Bullet


Magic Miracle Bullet

I’m watching a Miracle on 34th Street with my derpy sister and dogs, and this Christmas, my mom got me a Magic Bullet. That is a big deal, no one is gonna tell me any otherwise. I don’t have big dreams; I just want to make smoothies.

We don’t have ice cream, so I’m making the best of the ingredients in our fridge. Have you ever tried putting chai tea concentrate, mixed berry yogurt, carrots, frozen mango and berries, half an orange, ice, chocolate fudge, and more in a smoothie? I’m not saying it’s a good idea, but a) I like to drink my nutrients (which is why I wish I could eat my life in dip only), and b) it’s actually not that gross if you want chocolate and you’re not all that concerned about texture. I tried to get her to drive me to Dairy Queen, but this is my runner up.

And as of now, it’s pretty great. It’s the same concept of pretending it’s 90 degrees out in the freezing rain, I’m going to lie to myself by putting chocolate in a fruit smoothie and make it a thing because it’s my only choice and fuck yeah, I’ve got a Magic Bullet now (and that makes me a magic person).

But seriously, don’t add the fudge. Try Hershey’s (I was narrowly dissuaded by promises of a richer chocolately goodness and I regret it bitterly). Jk, I regret nothing.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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