Recently, I posted a journal entry about getting in a car accident. It’s only been a few days since that happened, but in that time I was able to get an estimate for the external damage to my car.
Although I have some means to replace my car, the $3600 damages (separate from the Driver’s vehicle I had to also pay to get fixed) is kind of like a bad dream. However, I know that God always provides, and my mom is able to give me rides here and there while I try to work something out.
It’s weird to not be concerned about this, but such is life, and I know God will take care of it. I entered a contest on Facebook to win a new car (lololol I really don’t need a new car, but so be it), but that is about as much as I’m willing to do in the time being, as things hash themselves out.
It’s a strange thing to trust God with such a substantial equivalent of my bank account, but as a college student, I’m rather used to it. I may never have had to resort to the Ramen diet (I value my health too highly), but this is certainly not the scariest thing I’ve ever survived, and given the place that the accident happened (statistically most dangerous street in town during rush hour), I’m rather grateful. I was jamming out to KLOVE Christian radio at the time like normal, and although I’m not exactly sure that made me safer (Jesus protects me, maybe radio too, that’s his decision), I know for a fact it helped me snap out of the 3 second “DID THAT JUST HAPPEN??” feeling pretty immediately. I knew that something was happening way before I couldn’t stop, but the traffic was so close and the road was slick enough that there was really no other option. I’m thankful that the damages I paid on the other guys car were only $927; it could have been so much worse if I wasn’t going about 15mph at the time I hit him.
Life is weird like that. I spend so much of my day nitpicking inside my head about really dumb things, and I live through all of it without the slightest clue that it could all go up in flames pretty much whenever. That isn’t meant to scare anyone, actually, that kind of comforts me to know how insanely well held together even the most chaotic crazy things are. Especially in the wake of Ferguson and other human rights violations that are publically broadcasting us into this holiday season, it’s a nice reminder that not only do we have absolutely no control, none of us really has all that much more control than one another; the dust to dust principle still applies.
I’ve spent a lot of today under my own personal dark cloud. It’s sporadically winter and ugly here, but yesterday I thought something (under the encouragement of a friend) that really helped. First of all, this is my first Christmas actually really caring about Jesus. I can’t explain how much that matters to me, but it’s freaking awesome. No one is twisting my arm to go to church, hell, I might show up early. It sounds delightful, especially at my church, and this is not my first Christmas Eve Rodeo. But, the whole point of Christmas is that Jesus was born and thus the long line of “fulfilled”s only had 33 more years until he tore the veil. And if you aren’t excited about that, just think of the billions and billions and infinite crazy idk how much before time kinda years it took to build the stars, and speak out creation into the void, and then casually create the Messiah here on Earth. There are no words.
This Easter will be my second, my first was in the first couple of months I busted my butt to get all the way across town and worship with my friends. I got up early that day; I was so excited. Resurrection was so cool, because it was obvious. Something changed, and Thank God. It’s good to be free.
But this spring will make resurrection really significant. I will be home instead of in Chile, this is the place I learned to look for the signs of Redbud tree flowers and daffodil shoots and ugly Robins defrosting their vocal chords. This is home, and apart from those 5 months, it has always been my dwelling place. I was raised less than 10 blocks off campus, I know this place better than most people and more importantly, all my memories are here (for the most part). Spring at home; not otoño (Fall) in Chile but really real Spring with flowers. The dark and temperamentally misted skies of Kansas can just leave. Just think of the flowers.
So yeah, I’m going to be dreaming about flowers for the foreseeable future. Not sure if it will snow, but regardless, it will thaw. The mood lamp I have in my room works wonders, and not only do I love alone time and hibernating 8+ hours in my pajamas now, I also know how much that can cost when it isn’t there anymore. I left for study abroad last February; consider this Spring a 2 for 1. I’m excited. And even despite all that, there will be hot chocolate and snow men disasters and taking my dogs outside for photo shoots with their ugly sweaters and generally making a fool of myself frolicking outside. I may be cold, but I can layer, just thank travelling (and also, Kansas).
Either way, these are the cycles of our lives. God gave us them on the Fourth Day (Genesis 1:14-15) to make regulate our lives, regardless of whether or not we like them. They just are. And there is beauty in all of it, if you are looking. How could we know what a “special snowflake” is if snowflakes weren’t each so ridiculously special?? I rest my case.
Best wishes for this Christmas to you. I will probably be spending a lot of time writing, at home, applying for jobs, and gradually decompressing from this semester. The formal end of classes came and went yesterday, and I literally barely noticed. A lot has happened in a few months, and what a blessing, even though most of it has been strenuous. Endurance has been built that was not mine and was also not there before. And for that reason, I’m super excited for Christmas, because I’ve already been given so many gifts. It’s gonna be a cheapskate Christmas, but I can’t bake, cook, craft, write, and generally create on the fly for no reason. To God be the glory.
All the best,