I am writing this out of much personal experience with a variety of different things that people generally think are terrible. Abuse, mental health disorders and diagnoses, attacks against your character from people outside and within the church, financial constraints and turmoil, false answers and quick fixes that leave trails of destruction, injustice and institutionalized crime, and a whole sort of other issues that are wretchedly with us are not nearly as bad as living a lie.
I will be honest with you; the idea of being completely genuine and visibly broken in chaos seems like a bad joke. But the thing about God’s goodness is that it fiercely separates itself from evil and demented self-interests, which is especially obvious when they come from you. God does all things for his mission, which is so greater than any one person or individual that it isn’t for me, or you, or anyone except everyone. Which is why this matters.
There are no people who are called to goodness more than others. There are no people that have it come easier than anyone else. Most of the time, goodness is known in the dark because that is when it is most visible. There are a lot of crappy things that happen as micro-aggressions and tiny lies every place you go, don’t believe that one place is better than the other if it is all the same Earth.
That being said, that is a blessing. That goodness isn’t in a place–that goodness isn’t in one group of people–that goodness isn’t yours or mine or anyone else’s to claim. There’s freedom in that, because it means that all the goodness we can’t claim is also the goodness we don’t have the right to give or take away. And that is awesome.
I will not speak about things I don’t care about. I care about goodness. I care about honesty. I care about the Church here on Earth. And as for the rest of it, unless it affects those things, I generally don’t care all that much. I know that there is a lot to be said about the beauty of butterfly wings and of patience of river water, but seriously; I’ll leave that to other poets. It may not be my place, but fuck if it was ever anyone’s place, except nailed to a cross.
I believe in the Church. I want to be a missionary. I plan on doing whatever the hell God asks to the best of my ability, because there are a lot of people that stumble through the dark alone.
The funny thing about vision in this kind of context is that it will only be noticed by those who are able to recognize it. When you talk about what frees, what is left obscure and ill-elaborated, and what heals, there are many opinions and very few that ever make any difference. In my experience, the people of faith I have known and appreciated in the same spirit in which they came were often the few people to speak out against the dark. They were later branded as martyrs or revolutionaries post mortem (depending on whoever’s history book you’re reading), but you don’t have to die to be kind, you just have to accept goodness. It isn’t a death sentence, it is the only thing that is worth it and recognizable when nothing else is. There are many called, and as to the one who chooses, none of us has any damn clue how he does it, despite our bickering, complaining, and competition. 1st Corinthians 1:13 speaks to this, Paul blasts the apostles and disciples for bickering and making divisions between themselves that were shattered by the Messiah, Jesus. He’s sick of their stupid antics and general disrespect and bad stewardship of the gospel, and although he mentions how his gifts have blessed him greater than the rest of them, he also let’s God’s goodness speak for itself in the midst of their shame. He doesn’t imply their weakness; he knows that he is justified by a God that speaks for him. If my Communications class this semester has taught me anything, it is how easy it is to lose your audience when you say things I don’t really care about. So be it.
“Killing with kindness” only works because “Those who matter don’t care and those who care don’t matter” in the context of truth and not each person’s individual value and worth assigned by Jesus Christ (its equal). Therefore, practicing your gifts in order to build God’s disciples so Christ can fulfill the rest of it by coming back is the entire point. Things are only ever fulfilled in truth, because truth is inseparably of God. For that reason we have hope, so that the darkness is an afterthought, a really shitty blip on the radar in the grand scheme of salvation.
In my next entry, I’m going to be talking about Revelation, and why it even matters. When I was at the Library last night with my sister, I asked whether Revelation even matters in the context of salvation, if all will be fulfilled eventually regardless. I plan on discussing why
it matters in the whole context of salvation, so if that sounds relevant to you being a Christian or understanding other Christians when they rant in public, y’all should join me.
Love just is. It isn’t ours.