Note: Don’t consider these justifications, because I certainly don’t. Consider these clarifications, if anything.
Reasons why I blog
- Stories should be free, especially if they are real.
- Intentions are about perception.
- I can’t think of any publishers that would be down to print most of this, and I don’t want to make any money off of it. If I had to put it into a book, I’d donate everything anyways. This seems quicker and easier accessible.
- This is a place where I don’t have to defend the truth nearly as much as the shit-storm publishing would create. I don’t believe in censoring this. I also don’t believe in defending it.
- Writing is sanity, and sharing is joy. Love is in careful wording, and patience is in understanding it. Silence is a gift, and vanity is in meaningless words. Even when I say meaningless things, at least I don’t have to keep them inside me, withering my soul.
- Goodness isn’t earned.
- OOooh, almost forgot this one, but it is of most personal importance: Most of my ideas are too intense for me to have the stamina to talk about them in person. Personally, I’m a glutton for conflict because it’s fascinating to watch other people lose their minds over things that have nothing to do with you, but mostly I just don’t want to cry when I read judgment on their faces, in their tone of voice, and them checking their cell phones so that they can cut the “awkwardness”. Bahahahha lol. Yes. I will claim to be an “awkward person” if you can decide to not look at your phone? Sounds like a fair trade to me…
- The things I write are usually easier for people to not freak out on me than if I were to say it to their faces, citing examples that may or may not have anything to do with them. That is always true. I could tell you real stories about real people I know, but it is kinder and fairer in general to tell the truth like it was a story and then let people come to their own conclusions. That is why Jesus spoke in parables. He was best able to judge from the drama and the fallout what the needs of his people were than in carefully spoken and given truths. That is why he also flipped tables towards the end. I often wonder if part of him flipping tables was just to get it over with. He knew going into the world he was going to die. If you look at scripture, it says the word “fulfilled” incredibly often. At the time Jesus was flipping tables, it was probably like having less than six months to live with terminal cancer. And let me tell you, if I only had a short window left to live, I would be flipping tables everywhere, because that shit is hilarious. But Jesus had a very structured purpose to flipping those specific tables, and that was to be crucified. I just want to do hoodrat things with my friends and cause a scene at Walmart…
- There is a certain catharsis of putting things on the Internet than you really mean. Don’t quote me on that, but as of right now after coming back from study abroad, I have hundreds of friends and very few people that I trust to listen and not give bad advice when they see conflict written across my life. It’s nice to just write it out and cast it off into the cybervoid, knowing that if it makes a difference, I won’t have to know in a way that tempts me to take credit for it, because honestly that is kind of embarrassing. I have a lot to give and a very keen bullshit detector, and false praise makes me want to crawl into a tiny box and not come out except through a computer screen. That is the reason I have decided lately to stop asking for “advice” and just ask to hang out. That is a residual crazy from the 12 year days of bad counseling and psychological quips about existence that fail utterly when put into practice, and I don’t mean it, I just would like to have fun with friends and also have the freedom to express all of myself, which is in part, the need to evaluate and criticize really shitty things. Sorry I wasn’t born with a sugar coating, I’d much rather be sweet and sour.
- There is no good reason not to.
(Real) Reasons why I will teach
- Children need good teachers
- I love children
- I love teaching
- I will be portable. Teaching English will mean I can always leave and come back, and I can share the knowledge I have gained with people there and here.
- It also means that I will be able to accumulate the experience and knowledge I need to do missions wherever God calls me, and to not have any grounds to equivocate based on my own personal cluelessness (fear feeds on that).
- There is no good reason not to, and you are talking to the Analysis and Criticism Queen of Kansas (lololol can I please have red glittery converse now? I went to TJMaxx and they only came in size 7. Sad day). I can use the Dorothy Stereotype to my advantage, even, if I leave. #furtherconviction
- But srsly though, I write and I struggle to be a decent person so eventually I can accumulate enough shitty experiences about murdering equivocating and personal fears in cold bold so when people think I am officially the right age to start being able to hand out advice like a weekly coupon print out, then I will be able to say nothing and set an example like the years of practice I’ve been gifted before that. Children need a good example, but the movie Matilda was spot on when Roald Dahl said that teachers need taught too. And if you think what he was writing (and ESPECIALLY the 7th book of Harry Potter) has nothing to do with goodness and the gospel, than I’m really sorry because those are some fabulous books.
- I can.