The dangers of Having much to say

Note: This is written generally, but it is about me. I did that on purpose. I think it’s good.

  • You could potentially be in a continuous fightclub of what to sensor based on the listener’s personal attributes, biases, etc. and knowing that most people need silence at least 80% of the time in any given time frame. Bonus points if time isn’t something you really give much standing weight to, there isn’t a lot in-between if you think birds-eye when it comes to emotions.
  • If you place a lot of emphasis on other people, emotions, and encouragement like I do, you run the risk of having any of those things (usually all at once) out of balance at any given time. Such is life.
  • You aren’t going to want to share all the time. People are going to think that if you are silent (even if you’re just trying it out), you are upset, because they probably only see the side of you that is a chatterbox.
  • You are going to have to learn to savor being alone.
  • You are going to jump to conclusions when you are worried and turn to words as a solution when it is quicker to just fall silent and simmer down. You will get upset. You will forget that you can be silent, because you spend so much time and give such priority to sharing and not being silent.
  • You are going to want to share the REALLY BIG STUFF even when you aren’t able to communicate all of it. If there is a lot of REALLY BIG STUFF happening all at once, you probably won’t be able to share all of it (due to the bell curve of other people’s patience), and you probably should re-evaluate when that happens. You are going to be so invested in the REALLY BIG STUFF that you forget to simmer down until it’s necessary. You are going to want to explode when finally does become necessary. That’s okay. You will figure it out (because otherwise you probably won’t listen to it anyways).
  • You’re going to want to bother people more than you realize.
  • You’re going to forget common sense here and there, like scatter ashes. Whatever, it will regenerate, even if it burns.
  • You will pursue what is left to say, and you will probably forget “what is” vs. “what is not” sayable if you have any sort of excitement about saying so. That’s okay. It will lead you to where the other people are, and they need to know that they too have many things to say, even if they aren’t “sayable”. (lololol judgment as a whole; we all do it.)
  • You will be transparent in person but severely cryptic as anything but in person when you are upset, and you will have to focus a ton on saying exactly what you mean (you have to distill and bottle that into pretty phrases that are somewhat edible first). It is going to be hard, but it gets easier with practice.
  • You will often feel like you are living a life like a kaleidoscope; that the people that you love all see a very distinct picture. When you have peace and joy, that will be a blessing. When you are upset or scared, it will come off a lot like wrath, rudeness, insensitivity, and a bunch of common place judgments that no one needs.
  • You will learn to sift reality from imagination like your sifting flour for a cake; it comes with experience and after a while you won’t even need the recipe.
  • You are going to be able to transition pretty seamlessly from context to context after a while, because your social graces were earned, they weren’t inherited. I mean that in terms of nature and nurture potentially, you have to sift out which is which. And trust me, that will be a blessing.
  • You will say words that take no guessing to understand the emotions behind them, and when you don’t, consider it very very dangerous. Silent treatment is the worst punishment you can inflict upon yourself, and odds are, if you can maintain it you believe you deserve it. If you stay silent as a means of punishing others through being passive aggressive and using unhealthy conflict management techniques, you should be well aware that it will only work if they have a lot invested in not watching you destroy yourself. If you have enough self-worth to decide that destroying yourself isn’t the best option, start talking. I’m going to be honest, it will SUCK TERRIBLY at first, but patience is earned, it isn’t inherited. Patience when you don’t have words is the most expensive if words are your fortune. Suck it up and keep going.
  • Find ways of having outlets to say meaningful things that are residually clinging to your emotions. Give yourself enough grace to make up the words you don’t have, after all, Shakespeare was the biggest faker the world has ever seen and most people think his words are pretty legit. Don’t speak in words that aren’t yours if you need to really be heard. They will be terrible, and you will be miserable because you know better.
  • If something needs a metaphor, give it a goddamn metaphor.
  • The best part about all this is that after a certain amount of verbal bloodletting, it will all become decidedly less crazy. You will be able to whittle it down into words that are more intense and potentially even less often. But don’t do that, just find places where the intensity is appreciated and celebrated versus mocked and set to be destroyed. You were probably born knowing how to distinguish between these places; use that gift and share it.
  • Forget “common sense”, okay? It is such a waste.
  • Do really derpy things until you remember that side of you if it has been forgotten.
  • Really, the moral of the story with all of this is that to be who you are, you have to be all that you are even when you aren’t in a “being-who-you-are” kind of space. You will learn limits as necessary, and it will pull you forward. You don’t just have a lot to say; you have an infinite amount of things to say. Trust that it will still be there in silence, like coming back to an old friend. If you want to be a _____, you probably can, regardless of what other people say, because there was already a _______ inside of you that you were just waiting to acknowledge. Don’t back down, run into it until you can teach it and then add it to the list. Teaching isn’t about pieces of paper, it’s about learning it like it matters and finding ways to share that. Run in, don’t run away. And as always, all the best.

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I am a teacher-to-be who loves people. I am not afraid of many things. I like to explain my thoughts logically on a very birds-eye view level--I was born thinking that way. I follow Jesus Christ, and I accept only that label to describe my identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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