Happy Thanksgiving! If you are reading this, it probably means that you have unearthed my blog. This blog is my space to talk and I love it dearly, and unfortunately I will not give it up until the relatives that you would prefer not to know our “personal business” are dead. Sorry. They need this too, believe it or not.
Honesty is scary. I’m not saying my honest is better than yours or anyone’s, but I do my best to be transparent as a personal choice because I believe that in absolute honesty comes absolute redemption. I love you all, and I’m thankful for you. You are the reason I didn’t kill myself. I couldn’t bear to think of you dealing with an teenage corpse for a daughter, and Jesus saved my life, just like he holds yours (clearly my opinion; the love doesn’t change regardless of whether or not you feel like fighting me on that one J ).
Anyways, some of you are going to think this is excessive. Some of you are going to be super mean and demand I take your photos (which are mine too) off the internet. It’s okay; they’re only on Facebook and Pinterest (as of today, my own online scrapbook—look into it; it’s pretty great). But. I will not take them down.
We’ve had a bizarre hodgepodge of years. Our family has been a bucket list of terrible things, and is healing from them steadily but surely by the grace of God. We’ve had addiction, alcoholism, debt, unemployment, death, and a bunch of other things that I’ve probably already touched on, or will. I will never put your names on this. I have posted very specific links to Facebook (that no one reads for the record). I love you, and I’m proud of you, and how our family has been able to survive some really shitty things. So, I share, because other people need to know that they too can survive those really shitty things. You may not like it, but I’m not taking it down.
I am thankful for you today. It’s only me and mom, but we’re doing okay. I’m praying for you wherever you are across the country (and potentially world for all I know), and my love is consistent even when you think I am mad enough to disown you (never has happened. Didn’t happen in suicide. Won’t happen today).
I am glad that we are family. You piss me off, but there’s a certain peace in being related to people that are just as shitty and you don’t have a choice in that. Not everyone has that, and a lot of people are sharply reminded of it today of all days. I won’t take that for granted. I believe that we are all family, because God loves each of us the same. In the future when I have my own house, I plan on having open holidays; expect it. But for now, I will pray for those people just the same, because they are loved just the same.
I hope to see you soon. I love you,