There have been a lot of people over the course of my life that see me and think I’m crazy. Well, they’re wrong, and I’m getting closer to why.
My soul is so in charge of me, Chris. I know you know that, you saw it when I invited Dan in to church off the street, and that was totally an impulse. What about when I drew about Jesus in the snow the Sunday I invited Dan in? I used the weird bramble thorn bushes to give him a crown of thorns; they were there for a reason.
I get to greet people Chris, because you help me. You tell me to go talk to people. I do. I make jokes, I ask how they spell their names, I say “wassup!” for hello more often than not.
My soul is such a Diva. She is so impatient but she is such an artist. Thank you for helping me realize that, by the way. I was having a weird morning. I normally tell one of my favorite friends, Nikki, that my days are ridiculous these days. When I say these days, I mean the past idk 2 weeks tops. My soul goes fast, Christ.
But anyways, I normally text Nikki that. She is falling asleep sometimes; I’m glad that she can sleep soundly, even if it’s not enough. She’s going on a trip to France today, and I’m so excited; I hope she sends me pictures because she’s my adventure buddy and I wish I was in France too. She gets to take her sister, and she talks to me about her family a lot, and I love them to pieces even though I haven’t met them. I have given up trying to explain love for strangers. My soul is a Diva, and she loves strangers. I don’t have the time to explain it; nor do I care to.
Nikki has a big heart. She would love to hear about Dan, but she has been sleepy lately when I text her, and I’m saving that story for when she can listen to it and maybe even read it when she’s less sleepy. I’m really happy when I think about all the goodness she will do, and I hope I get to see it. It will happen without me. J
Chris, I was having a pretty crappy day today. I woke up early, an hour too early. I wrote some stuff, I blogged it. It was true, although I’m going to be honest and say that most of it wasn’t 100% nice. But sometimes the truth isn’t nice, and I like to blog about the truth, so whatever. I was upset because of that boy I told you about, and I had to write a stupid paper for my class that I love most. I emailed my teacher, and she is one of my favorite teachers in the world. She has sass that I can compete with, and she is so much older and more classy than me, it’s nice to see that in reality. She is wise, mostly because she loves people a lot, and I wish I could be adopted in to her family sometimes, but that’s how I feel about a lot of the people I love to pieces, so whatever.
But. I was upset. I was trying to type out a paper for her class, and I wanted to just do it quickly, but I love that class too much. I stopped. I was listening to this weird song on Spotify that had come on spontaneously. I’m not sure what I do when I play grooveshark.com (a website) for the free music that plays easier than Spotify, but I hit this little forward button on my computer, and I always forget that that goes to Spotify and not grooveshark (technology lol). The point is, I press the wrong buttons, and two different musics come on. It’s really weird, because I’m normally listening to secular music on one, and worship music on the other when the secular one comes on. I listen to that one normally, because it speaks more to my soul more often than not when I try to forward through worship tunes. It makes sense, God is in everything. I especially love finding God in Lil Wayne and hiphop and other places where people think he isn’t. They can just shut up.
But, I was too upset to write. I don’t know how to explain that to people who aren’t artists, so I won’t bother. I facebooked some of my friends to see if they were free and able to dance with me to the sad song about betrayal I was spontaneously listening too ( I think it was on from the night before. I loved her voice—a random artist on Spotify Snoh Aelegra who sings a song called “You Always Knew”; my soul could relate). They couldn’t respond. My friend who did respond said he and my other friend (his girlfriend) didn’t dance. Whatever, okay.
So like a good hyperactive soul, I went to my Gethsemane, Potter’s Lake. It’s the best place in the world, has been since I was a baby almost. I literally ran up the stairs there. I wanted to run down the side like an idiot; an idiot because I totally wiped out and fell on myself and I tried to run down the side. That cracked me up, there’s a certain irony in falling down when you’re running down, and I have the soon to be bruises and dirt on me to prove it (it makes me happy, don’t be concerned). I didn’t plan on falling, for the record. That’s why it’s funny.
I scampered around. I threw my backpack to the ground various times. I sat on a log like a frog and stared at the frozen leaves. There are little fish in Potters Lake that move slowly now, much slower than they moved as tadpoles and as tinier fish this autumn. There is a skin on the lake, if you look close. It’s a frozen nature glass that doesn’t shatter when you poke it with a stick. It shatters when you delicately punch it, and pick out the glass pieces and chuck them at the lily pads, and it smashes with the same tink tink of crystal shattering when you pick it up in sheets and drop it on the rest of the glass. If you pull it out of the water slowly, there are tiny bits of silt water frozen in the glass, and it is a lot like steely blue glitter, but more opaque and flexibly melting. So much cooler.
If you go today, you can still see the lily pads frozen. They are green and they have been scarred white and brown with algae and frost bruises. They have little bits of brown stuck to them all up and down, some of it is dark like dirt, some of it clings in different shades like the spirals of fresh earl grey. There are little frost bullets and holes from the things that have been on over the lilies, but they are frighteningly green and beautiful frozen inside the glass.
There are autumn leaves still, Chris. They are like a bizarre palette of oranges and browns, stuck next to the lily pads; all of it is frozen. Frozen less than half a centimeter deep, but still frozen. When you smash it, the ice forms lines before it cracks, if you do it carefully they will branch out in a really predictable way and leave little fissure cracks in a whole shard of glass that you pull out of the water in a pattern that looks like a branched pyramid.
I smashed the lake because I could. That same jacket I wear Wednesday nights with the gold zippers and the belt I threw out is waterproof for a reason: it’s mine. I like to throw it down and sit on it in the dirt, because I can. My host mama taught me a trick in Chile; if you blow in top side of the fabric, as long as you don’t feel the wind come out the other side, it is good quality. They have to be more careful than we do Chris, and she’s right. I had to wash it off in the sink just now because if I went with a dirt splatter down my entire back, people would really catch on and think I’m crazy. No thanks. Most of the dirt is gone now, I’ll deal with it later.
I love you to pieces, Chris. You’ll heal quickly, but I want to give you a gift. I know that you have said I could come with you to take pictures, but I have a better idea. Take John and you and me, and we’ll run around some place that’s outside, and the photos will be great because you’ll have plenty of photo opps while I run around and help you find them. The glitter in the glass? You’ll get something even better. Let’s just go. I promise if you do everything you can that I do, it will be great. We’ll learn a lot more about art than either of us could teach each other. It’ll be great.
Anyways Chris, I’m glad we’re friends. I hope you heal quickly, and I know God is in charge of all of it in the same way he holds my life in his hands. I’m excited to run around outside some more, and I hope you know that once you’re able and wanting to, you can be my adventure buddy. It’ll be great. Nikki won’t mind, she gets to go to France, and it’s not like you can just get rid of your adventure buddies, they are too heavily embedded inside of your heart and your memories.
But yes, let’s go. I’ll drive if you want. We should temporarily run away, and come back. It will be pretty great.
All the love,