Hold on; Sophomore year Haley would like to tell you to get your shit together

9/20/2013 (Sophomore year, Fall Semester 2013)

Dear Haley,

I want to clarify things. I will never be disappointed in you. Just because things are different doesn’t mean they are wrong or that they should be scary. It’s okay to have mixed feelings.

Lately, you have been exploring how NOT to feel anxious. You have been opening up, letting fears leave, and generally feeling better about yourself and the world. Remember when B***** said you have all the answers you need inside you? She was right. But another thing is that they are your answers, and she may not always be right in regards to them. She isn’t perfect, she’s taken a long way to get to the place she is at. Don’t ever feel judged. Honestly, we are all hypocrites in a different set of ways, unique to us all. There’s this dichotomy between hypocrisy and trying—a hypocrite tries and fails where an apathetic person never tries, because they are afraid of failing.

You can’t both care and never fail. To care is to fail. So you shouldn’t be upset on the days you feel low. You shouldn’t panic if you feel any anxiety and try to squish it. Just see it.

9/20/2013 (Sophomore year, Fall Semester 2013)

You don’t need to worry about what anyone, friend or foe, actually believes. It is something important when you feel tired to realize it’s time to stop caring. You don’t need the words to explain as long as you can feel. Pay attention to your desires—they are worthy.

The only way you are a minority is if you allow yourself to be one.

I love you, and please pursue the uneasy feeling.

I know you know what you want. It’s okay to want those things and not be willing to settle anytime soon.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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