Woe unto the Deceitful Pomeranian

For today’s dose of biblical wordplay on salvation, we draw our material from (mostly) Matthew 7, which teaches on the personal danger of judging others.


Woe unto you Pomeranians who steal their master’s gyros sandwiches and the last piece of pita bread, left as low hanging fruit in the edge of the bathtub, sneaking across the tile of her only warm place of work to take what you impatiently covet. Woe unto you Pomeranians who steal from their master in her time of seasonally sinus infected need, you will receive only what you have stolen.


Woe unto you Pomeranians who look their master in the eye and ask for what more you have graciously left refrigerated.


You will turn back in your shame like Judah, and you will come before your master as she sits on the porcelain throne to beg forgiveness, receiving the exact measure of mercy that you have thusly given.


Lo, even the forgiven Pomeranian will receive that judgment that she so cast against her master in her time of need, and will not share in the infinitely greater patient sauteed victory of her master, but will find only that which she has taken.


But the Son of Man so came into the world to redeem even the Deceitful Pomeranians among you, and through faith in his sacrifice will you be redeemed.


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I am a second-grade teacher and pastor-to-be who loves people. I spend my weekends with friends or wandering the museums of DC alone and with a journal, trying to put words on the places of the soul that still feel wordless. I spent most of my days at school trying to learn patience through my students and running on sheer nerdy passion. I follow Jesus Christ, and savor that as my most important identity--that I am a child of God, as are infinite others, regardless of their other identities. Christ is my one thing.

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